The 3 Biblical Reasons for Divorce

Originally written by Meghan Ray; edited and rewritten by Stevi Reed

For Christians, when we walk down the aisle on our wedding day, we are committing to a lifetime with our spouse. The bible tells us in Mark 10 that when we marry “two become one flesh”, that in the eyes of God we have been joined together. For Christians, marriage is supposed to be holy, spiritual, and a representation of God’s love. When we consider our marriages, none of us consider the idea of divorce. Quite frankly, most of us don’t even see it as an option.

As a Christian counselor who works with couples who are struggling in their marriages, the most frequent thing I hear is “I can’t get divorced because I am a Christian and I made a promise to God.” While this sentiment is true for most cases, when this statement in presented in a session, my goal is to explain what divorce means to God and the 3 allowances for divorce mentioned in the Bible.

First, I want you to understand that divorce was not part of God’s plan but was allowed as a concession to the sin of people (Matt. 19: 8, 9). For this reason, my goal as a counselor is to value and strengthen marriages. I never suggest divorce as an immediate response to difficult times. Instead I want to provide tools and help couples work through their difficulties so that their marriage can flourish and honor God. However, there are some cases when divorce may be the only option. The purpose of this blog is to help those contemplating divorce understand the biblical allowances for divorce, so that they have better discernment with any life altering decisions.

Reason 1: Adultery

They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”  Matthew 19:7-9 (ESV)

Adultery is the most widely known and discussed allowance for divorce discussed in the modern church community. While original language of scripture doesn’t translate to “adultery”, the notion is that sexual immorality is grounds for divorce. Sexual immorality is associated with adultery in Hebrews 13:4 ESV and is defined as anything that would defile the marriage bed. Sexual immorality/adultery allows sin into the marriage and breaks the sacred covenant made between husband and wife; and is grounds for divorce. However, I want to note that just because adultery occurs in a marriage, you do not HAVE to divorce. Your marriage can be saved and healed. As a Christian counselor, I have seen many couples overcome the challenges of adultery or sexual immorality and, through God’s grace, have an incredible marriage. So, if your spouse has committed adultery, please pray and seek wise counsel to discern the best course of action for your marriage.

Reason 2: Abandonment

But if a husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases, the believing husband or wife, is no longer bound to the other.” 1 Corinthians 7:15A

In this passage, we are provided that we are not bound as Believers in remaining married to a non-believing spouse if that spouse insists on abandoning the marriage. However, it should be noted that Paul further explains that a man or wife should not willingly end a marriage simply because their spouse does not believe or follow the will of God. He explains that the marriage vow can be so strong that it can draw the unbelieving spouse close to God; sanctifying the marriage. The key part of this scripture “if they insist on leaving, let them go.” Your unbelieving spouse is not bound to you in the holy way two Christians are bound to one another.

What many clients find confusing is what does unbelieving mean? Some couples will both say that they are Christians and may even attend church, but one spouse on a regular basis lives a life that is dishonoring to God. Can they divorce?  In these situations there could be an allowance for divorce. For example, is your spouse stuck in addiction or abusive (physical, emotional, or mental). Is your spouse trying to pull you away from God? Or has your spouse checked out of all responsibilities within you marriage? In these cases, the spouse could be considered unbelieving or not honoring God and marriage. It can also mean that they have departed for the holy union of marriage and they have “abandoned” their spouse; without physically separating from the home.

Ultimately, abandonment can be difficult to discern and complicated so if you feel “abandoned” in your marriage, please seek wise counsel today before making a decision to divorce.

Reason 3: Abuse

This final reason for divorce is probably the most convoluted. There is no direct statement in scripture that says “divorce is ok if someone is abusing you emotionally or physically”. However, physical, emotional, and sexual mistreatment of a marriage partner is serious matter in the eyes of God because it fractures the marriage bond established as the foundation of society (Gen. 2:24).

 The Bible gives specific instructions on how a husband and wife should treat each other. Although the husband is head of his wife, his actions toward her must be like those of Christ to the church (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23–24). Every husband must love his wife as he loves himself (Eph. 5:25–33), showing her great consideration (1 Pet. 3:7), honor (1 Thess. 4:4), and gentleness (Col. 3:19). And wives, you need honor your husband by following his lead (submit) in the God-honoring, sacrificial love that is commanded.  Ultimately, God chose the marriage relationship as a picture of His relationship with the church. Any action that tarnishes the marriage relationship, such as abuse, cheapens a believer’s relationship with God. In many ways, an abusive spouse has abandoned the marriage. Abuse involves the use of something holy (marriage) for evil ends; the leveraging of power to hurt the vulnerable (Ps. 9:18; Isa. 3:14–15; Ezek. 18:12; Amos 2:7; Mark 9:42; etc.).

If a spouse makes the home a dangerous place for the other spouse (or their children), it is not the fault of the innocent party and the abused should not feel condemnation for divorce.  When you think about abuse as reason for divorce, consider reconciliation deeply – for God can heal us of sins. However, when abuse is chronic, unchanging, and damaging to mental and physical safety, divorce is permissible. Remember, your safety is a top priority.

Next Steps

Are you or your spouse contemplating divorce? If so, remember that the first step if experiencing marriage conflict should be to seek help in the form of counseling. This will help redirect your marriage back on God or help you discern if there is a biblical allowance for your divorce.  If your marriage is struggling or if divorce for biblical reasons is necessary please speak to one of the Christian therapist’s at Anchored Hope Counseling. Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.