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Christian Counseling Tag

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The 3 Biblical Reasons for Divorce

by Meghan RayMay 15, 2024 Uncategorized0 comments

As a Christian, when we walk down the aisle on our wedding day, we are committing to a lifetime with our spouse. The bible tells us in Mark 10 that when we marry “two become one flesh”, that in the eyes of God we have been joined together. When we consider our our marriages, none of us consider the idea of divorce. Quite frankly, most of us don’t even see it as an option.

As a Christian counselor who works with couples who are struggling in their marriages, the most frequent thing I hear is “I can’t get divorced because I am a Christian and I made a promise to God.” While this sentiment is true for most cases, what many people don’t know, is that God provides in scripture 3 reasons for biblical divorce. When I share this with clients, many have no idea, or are resistant to the idea because for the majority of their life they have been told that divorce is not an option.

While I never suggest divorce as an immediate response to difficult times, I think it is imperative for Christians to know when divorce is an option. At the root of this mentality is the notion that marriage is a way of honoring and worshipping God. If we are not carrying out our marriages in the way He deems appropriate, we are dishonoring Him just as much by staying as we are by possibly leaving. So what are the reasons that God provides anyway?

Reason 1: Abandonment

“But if a husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases, the believing husband or wife, is no longer bound to the other.” 1 Corinthians 7:15A

In this passage, we are provided that we are not bound as Believers in remaining married to a non-believing spouse. The biggest thing to note here is what constitutes a believer. Just because your spouse attends church, may read their bible or say their prayers, does not mean that they are faithfully Believing or engaging in a relationship with our Lord. Following the works and rituals does not guarantee a relationship and belief. Many wives tell me that their husband’s are not spiritually leading or that their husbands just “check the boxes” of what they are “supposed” to do. When this is the case, abandonment may be considered as a reason for divorce.

Reason 2: Adultery

“ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:7-9

This reason for divorce is the most widely known and discussed in the modern church community. While original language of scripture doesn’t translate to “adultery”, the notion is that sexual immorality is grounds for divorce. The most confusing part of this scripture is that if a divorce occurs, and one remarries, they are committing “adultery”. However, this is only the case of they divorce for non-biblical reasons (as discussed in this blog).

Reason 3: Abuse

Exodus 21:10; Deuteronomy 21:11 (and many more)

This final reason for divorce is probably the most convoluted. There is no direct statement in scripture that says “divorce is ok if someone is abusing you emotionally or physically”. However, many places in the bible discuss how abuse is displeasing to the meaning of marriage and are dishonoring of the marriage bond. When you think about abuse as reason for divorce, consider reconciliation deeply – for God can heal us of sins. However, when abuse is chronic, unchanging, and damaging to mental and physical safety, divorce is permittable. The spouse is not living a Christian life and submitting to a biblical marriage which qualifies them as a non-believer.

Remember that the first step if experiencing marriage conflict should be to seek help in the form of counseling. This will help redirect your marriage back on God. If you are experiencing a biblical reason for divorce, it may be worth considering if you are honoring God? If your marriage is struggling or if divorce for biblical reasons is necessary seek a Christian therapist near you. Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Sparking Intimacy for Couples

by Meghan RayFebruary 1, 2024 Couples Counseling, Marriage and Relationships0 comments

Date Night Ideas in CLT

February 1, 2024 by Meghan Ray

As Valentine’s Day approaches, there is no better time to go out on a date night. Expert’s say that couples, no matter the stage of their relationship, should date at least every 10-14 days. Take a look at this list of ideas for all budgets to see how you can rekindle the intimacy or spice up the routine! 

Low Budget Couples

  1. Get Outdoors: Pack a lunch or afternoon snack and explore the great outdoors! 
    • Location: Crowder’s Mountain in Kings Mountain, NC
    • Cost: Free! 
    • Location: UNC Charlotte Botanical Gardens in Charlotte, NC
    • Cost: Free!
  2. See Whose More Competitive: Head on up to Concord and play classic board games with your date! Food and drink is available for purchase at their attached cafe.
  1. Take a Swing at Something New: Whether you call it putt putt or mini golf – take a night to see who can stay closest to par at this adults only indoor course. 

Medium Budget Couples

  1. What’s Duck Pin Bowling?!: Take on this spin of classic bowling and see who comes out on top! When you are done check out their variety of board games while you sip one of their self pour brews. Food served onsite. 
  2. Become a Chemist: Spend some quality couples time mixing together your own personal scent while you make your own candles. 
  3. Show Some Charlotte Spirit: Put on your red and black and head down to a Charlotte Checkers game at Bojangles Coliseum. 
  4. Raffaldini Vineyard Wine Tour: Step into Tuscany for the day when you take a tour and wine tasting at Charlotte’s local winery. 

High End Budget Couples

  1. Skate and Date: Spend your Valentine’s Day with a little physical activity followed by a 3 course tasting menu. Vegan and Gluten free options available! 
  2. Spice Things Up in the Kitchen: Want to learn some new cooking or baking skills? Fling some batter at your love while you whisk up a variety of new recipes! 
  3. Travel to a Galaxy Far Far Away: For all the Star Trek and Star Wars couples out there this one’s for you! A four course food and spirit tasting menu at one of Charlotte’s most exclusive speakeasy. Tickets only available by reservation Thursday – Sunday. 

Experiencing some relationship or marital difficulty? Need someone to help rekindle the flame? If so, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Change of Perspective

by Stevi ReedMay 11, 2021 Anxiety and Stress, Christian Counseling0 comments

Looking at Your Problems in a Different Way

The other day, my husband and I encountered a large problem with the permit of our house, which put our final inspections on hold. Instantly, when I heard of the problem, I went into the negative and dark place of “We will NEVER get to move into our new house” or “We will NEVER get out of this season.” However, when I noticed the “Nevers” consuming my mind, I took a moment to pray and realized that I needed a change of perspective. I needed to look at this problem in a different way. 

How do you typically respond to problems or obstacles?

People tend to be creatures of habit. We move along our day planning to stay in our normal routine. When our routine is broken, we are shaken and tend to view the shift as a negative obstacle or problem.

Typically, problems upset and frustrate us. We lash out at the difficulty, resenting it and feeling bad for ourselves. We even rush to complain about our problems to others so they can feel bad for us too. However, this path only leads to a road of self-pity. Complaining and seeking pity ultimately wastes our time and energy. Unfortunately, viewing obstacles in this way can turn your problems into mountains; the larger we make it, the more unmovable it becomes.

Alternatively, try viewing the problems as a ladder, not a mountain. A ladder provides an opportunity to see your problem from a higher view point; a different perspective. Looking up at your problems at the lowest level, they can look larger than they really are; like mountains. However, looking from above or the top of the ladder, you can gain a heavenly perspective. From above, your problems look smaller and insignificant to the whole picture. Looking down at the problem, you can see how momentary the problem is, see what comes after the problem, and begin to focus on what is ahead of you.

Ultimately, by shifting your perspective, you can look past the problem and continue down your path without wasting time and effort on self-pity. To change your perspective and turn your problems from mountains to ladders, try these 3 tips.

1. Silence the negative lies and look for the truth.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” James 8:32 (NIV)

Is it true that I will NEVER finish my house? No, the truth is, that we have actually made considerable progress, worked hard, learned many lessons, and will eventually reap the rewards. Whenever, I am getting overwhelmed with negative thoughts, I have to stop and look for the logical truth. Often, that takes breaking down the lie and calmly re-framing the situation.

2. Show gratitude for the lesson

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness."  James 1:2-3 (ESV)

The book of James directs us to count our trials a joy because it produces an unwavering faith and character. In other words, our trials are blessings. Trust me, I know that being grateful for struggles is hard! However, by changing our perspective in the situation and looking past the moment, we can see how the trial can challenge us, help us grow, and strengthen our character.  Therefore, instead of spewing negative things like the “Nevers,” try statements of gratitude for the situation.

3. Persevere

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 (NIV)

This verse from James reminds us to persevere and push through the trail because God has promised us a great reward if we do. Therefore, hold onto that  promise, remember God is with you every step of the way, and you will be rewarded for your perseverance.  Ultimately, looking past the obstacle to see the reward in the end can help you remained focused on tackling the problem.

If you have a problem and would like help changing your perspective on the situation, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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De-clutter Your Life: A Christian Perspective

by Stevi ReedApril 28, 2021 Anxiety and Stress, Christian Counseling, Uncategorized0 comments

For the past few weeks, I have taken a break from blogging. Why? I needed to take some time for spring cleaning. As many of you know, my husband and I are remodeling a 100 year old house. Whenever the house is finished, we will be downsizing tremendously. Unfortunately, downsizing also mean I need to de-clutter and clean out. Throughout this process, I have had to box up the essential items that we will be putting into our new home and selling or throwing out anything that is no longer needed. Before, I started this process, I always thought that I lived simply and never considered myself materialistic. However, the more I sort through cabinets and drawers, I am finding that I have still collected a ton of unnecessary things over the last decade and that I should have made it a point to de-clutter on a regular basis.

With all of the spring cleaning the past few weeks, I was reminded how our messy our lives can be when we forget to take time to de-clutter our lives and schedules and how “too much stuff” can be overwhelming to our mental and spiritual health. To find balance to your mental and spiritual health, here are 3 tips to de-clutter your life.

1. Get rid of the non-essentials:

Just like when you are spring cleaning, you have to start by sorting through the clutter and prioritize what needs to stay and what needs to go. Start this process by asking yourself the following questions.

 “What feels like too much in my life today?” 

“Do I have trouble getting rid of things I don’t use regularly “just in case” I need them later? Do these “just in case” items bless or burden me?”

“What is causing the most clutter in my life, possessions, over scheduling, or digital devices?”

“Does my stuff fit my space? Does it fit my needs and the needs of those who share my space? If not, what is one concrete step I can take this week toward eliminating physical clutter?

“What can I get rid of today to feel more peace?”

2. Stop putting your trust in stuff:

Matthew 6:19-21 states: “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (ESV).

Basically, this verse explains that our safety and security must not be rooted in material items because ultimately they do not last. Having the best stuff or most stuff does not make us better because those things have to always be replaced. Instead, this verse tells us to focus on our heavenly treasures by putting our focus on God and how we can live our life for him.

Remember, God doesn’t care for how many possessions we have and often chooses not to “bless” with an abundance of things; I don’t know about you, but my prayers to find $1,000,000 has never been answered! Instead He reminds us that possessions must never be our utmost concern, that our needs will be met and in return, he points us toward caring for others. The less stuff we have to manage, the more we can fulfill our purpose.

3. Take break from Technology:

Technology can be a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I love to easily be able to reach people all over the world within minutes and quickly ordering from Amazon is often much faster and easier than going to the store. However, social media addiction, looking at our phones instead of our family, web surfing time warps, and the instant gratification of likes and followers, can consume and clutter our lives. As a result, de-cluttering our lives often means de-cluttering our digital devices. I am not saying you have to get rid of your smartphones and tablets, but you may need to evaluate your time on your devices to see if it is causing your life to be cluttered.

Back in January, I made the decision to completely delete social media off of my phone and any non-essential apps. By doing so, I felt freer and even found myself with more free time in the evenings. I didn’t realize how much time I spent mindlessly scrolling through apps on my phone. By this simple task, I was able to free my soul and made space for my family, real friendships, and rest.

Ultimately, remember that clutter doesn’t have to be physical things.  Work, family, housework, school, technology, and over committed calendars can lead to cluttered lives. This spring, take the opportunity to de-clutter your life through some spring cleaning. Little by little, you will learn what is truly essential in your life and will begin to let go of the non-essential “junk.” As a result, you will be able to reap the benefits of simplicity with calmer hearts, deeper relationships, and a joyful purpose.

If you want to de-clutter your life and need some help sorting through the essentials, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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