Easter: Reflecting on why The Cross is The Anchor of Hope
A few days ago, I returned from a long anniversary road trip through Italy. During my trip, I saw beautiful sites and took so many pictures. One of my favorite pictures was the picture of the cross above, taken at the place I liked the least in all of Italy, the Roman Colosseum. If you have ever been to the Colosseum, you know that it is extremely crowded. You are herded through the site with waves of people, barely getting to see this massive iconic structure that has been left in ruins. My husband and I, who have been blessed to see many incredible historic sites, felt rushed and underwhelmed by the iconic Roman Colosseum. However, when I squeezed past the crowd and came into entrance of the Arena, my eyes were directed to a large cross. As the crowd pushed past me, I held my phone over my head to grab a quick picture and was honestly amazed at how it turned out. To me that picture summarizes the beauty of Easter, and why the cross is the perfect Anchor of Hope for our lives.
Understanding the Cross and Easter as an Anchor
I love this picture because amid the crazy crowds, the busyness is blocked out, leaving only the peace of the cross and the sun. The lighting makes God the focus, as He should be. The sun shines brightly on the “tree” that was meant for death and the destruction of Jesus, giving it new meaning and light. Even the “iconic” structure of the Colosseum is nothing compared to the simple wood cross in this picture; it just fades into the background. This picture is a reminder of how the Colosseum, a massive, “strong” place full of sin and darkness, has been ultimately left in ruins. Yet, that simple wooden cross, stands out above the crowd, above the ruins, anchored as a symbol of hope for thousands of years. As I reflected on this, I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 1:18-30 (ESV)
“[18] For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (Corinthians 1:18 ESV)
“[28] God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, [29] so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. [30] And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption,” (1 Corinthians 1:28-30 ESV)
A Reminder this Easter
Remember this Easter, that the symbol of the cross, a symbol despised in the “world,” is our symbol of righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. The cross is our Anchor of Hope because it represents the sacrifice Christ made so we can experience true hope and joy with God.
As you look at my picture of the cross, I hope you see the beauty in it like I do. I hope you see the love of Christ, His incredible sacrifice. I hope you feel His pain as he laid nailed to the cross for our sins. I hope you hear His cries to His Father, asking for our forgiveness. As you look at the cross, I hope tears fall down your cheek with gratitude and love. I hope when you look at the cross, you feel loved and accepted, because someone gave His life for yours. I hope when you look at the cross you are reminded that with the darkness of Good Friday, came the beautiful resurrection on Easter Sunday. I hope that when you look at the cross this Easter, you recognize why this symbol is such an important Anchor to me and many others around the world.
If you are struggling, feeling depressed, and need an Anchor Hope, I pray you will turn to Jesus and the cross. If you need help with your faith and spirituality, please turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling has several therapist grounded in their faith that can provide Christian Counseling at your request. We also can incorporate Christian Counseling into a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you like this blog, please remember to subscribe to our blog for more news and insights.
Learn More
Emotions Are Biblical
As a professor in psychology and a Christian therapist, I spend a lot of time educating people on what emotions are. At the start of my career, a student bought me a feeling-wheel pillow which now lives on my therapy couch. That pillow is the most talked about item in my office. It proves that the experience of emotions is so inherently human, and also wildly misunderstood.
A true lesson on the intellectual understanding of an emotion would take far more than a blog post, but here’s a crash course. The secular psychological definition of emotions is an outward response or inner feeling to our own personal perceptions (not circumstances). It is our thoughts and views of specific circumstances that dictates how we then think, process, and respond.
As you can imagine from my choice of career, I love emotions. I find them to be such a fascinating intellectual concept. For most of my clients, however, they are a pesky, complex experience. An experience that defines both the greatest joys and the deepest sadness’s of their lives. Emotions also lead to the undesirable experience of vulnerability.
Failed Understanding of Emotions
When we are little, we learn about emotions – what they are, how to identify them, how to express them – from our parents, teachers, preachers and social influences. Sometimes, through that learned experience, we do not learn how to emotionally regulate – the idea of managing, expressing, and processing our feelings in a healthy, acceptable way.
Plus, with the insurgence of gentle parenting, we are seeing a generation of young adults who not only don’t know how to regulate, but that expect that their feelings be validated in every situation. Validated – not honored for existing. Emotions exist and are good indicators of what our own perceptions are, but they are not always accurate to a situation or set of behavior choices. It’s why many in my field believe that teaching emotions as honorable but not valid is a necessity.
Furthermore, some of us grow up to believe that some feelings are bad because of the expectations around our gender (boys don’t cry, anger is unbecoming to a girl, etc). Others believe that some feelings are more acceptable to express because of what the church has preached. And even more believe that unless a feeling is positive, we shouldn’t share or express it externally at all.
This dichotomy of believing that all our emotions are valid and yet, negative or positive in cultural connotation, has led to a lot of misguided expression and fear of vulnerability.
Through working with Christians in learning to be more vulnerable, regulate, honor (not validate), and truly embrace their emotions, I have had the unique opportunity of seeing this human experience as a much deeper Godly one. As humans, we all feel emotions, but as believers we have the opportunity to experience emotions as holy, and Christ honoring.
In Exodus 34, God’s character is directly introduced for the first time in scripture. And with it comes a direct reference to the emotions of Yahweh – compassionate and gracious, slow to anger. From here, scripture abounds in the reference of so many of God’s deep and perfect feelings. He experiences: joy(Jeremiah 32:41), jealousy(Exodus 20:5), anger (Exodus 4:14), sorrow (Gen. 6-6). When He sends His only son Jesus to walk among us, He does so “in the radiance of the glory of God” (Heb. 1:3). From the very beginning of Jesus’ walk on Earth, he feels. He feels troubled (Mark 14:33), and angry (Matthew 21:12). He sighs, weeps (John 11:35), rejoices.
In scripture, God’s compassion is referred to in Hebrew as Rakhum. Rakhum directly translates to womb. In this depiction of God and His compassion He is equated to the most sacred, safe, and comforting part of any nurturing mother. His compassion is deeply inherent and wildly robust. He is moved by His people and cares for them to a biological level – wanting nothing more than to love them.
God’s anger is known as Kana. Translated directly from Hebrew to jealous God. When we think of jealousy, we think of coveting something that is not ours. When we refer to God being jealous we see it as a reflection of His love through a deep protective instinct. God’s jealousy is not possessive or insecure, it is passionate and loving.
If Yahweh feels, and Jesus feels – feelings must be a truly perfect and holy experience ordained and gifted by God for humans to experience.
As we are made in His image, we are therefore made to connect to Him through our vast array of feelings. However, it is through the Holy Spirit that we are to discern when those feelings are human led versus God given and Christ honoring.
Emotions are a gage – not a guide.
Emotions help us to understand a situation, what we value, how we think, but should never dictate how we live or make decisions. Just as the Holy Spirit can use these feelings to help honor and reflect God, Satan can also use them to cloud your mind and harden your heart.
Only God is God. Our thoughts are not God.
The Word is what defines truth. We must use that truth to determine how to respond, not our own perceptions and thoughts. By using God’s truth as an anchor for our emotions, we can experience them in a more holy way. We can be obedient to the will of Christ and not the will of our deceitful heart.
“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth” Ephesians 6:14
So what are some practical ways to decipher between a feeling being a guide of the Holy Spirit for our reactions vs a clouded human perception led by unholy distractions?
Consider the following 3 common feelings. Note what the human expression of them would look like and contrast that with the divine expression.
| Emotion | Inappropriate | Appropriate |
| Anger | Impatience, unkindness, displeasure | Indignation toward sin, reconciliation |
| Fear | Negative judgements, worry over uncontrollable things | Fear (reverence) for the Lord |
| Sadness | Self pity, distrust | Mourning, lament, sorrow |
Utilizing these as an example – use tools like the feeling wheel below to identify where an emotion is expressed in the bible and how it is expressed when God inspired. Through the truth of scripture we can better navigate how to know when our feelings are appropriate (valid) and can be a guide to our actions. If the truth of scripture points away from what we are feeling as an appropriate expression, honor where this feeling is coming from, but don’t allow it to dictate your response.
If you want to learn more about having more biblical based feelings, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
Learn More
“We Feel Like Roommates!”: Rebuilding Intimacy in Your Marriage
Life is full of adventure, fun, memories, and laughter when we first start dating our spouses. We spend countless hours getting to know the other person in an effort to establish a foundation for the future. A couple months/years of this intentional time together and we decide to settle down.
A man on a knee. A popped question. A ring on the second finger from the right.
A walk down the aisle. An exchanging of vows. A promise of a lifetime of love.
And then some wake up 2 – 5 – 7 – 12 years later feeling lost and disconnected.
A loss of intimacy over the years can be normal if a couple doesn’t take a proactive approach to relationship development. It becomes so easy to fall into the busyness, chaos, routine of everyday life. Of raising children. Working jobs. Of taking care of the house. Fulfilling the demands of daily life.
But when we wake up and all the sudden we are feeling like roommates with our spouse – we are really falling victim to making daily demands our idol and the distraction of Satan. We are no longer serving the covenant of marriage through Christ.
It is usually at this point that couples come knocking on my door.
And unfortunately it is usually the same complaints
- We need better communication
- We fight all the time
- Partner B emotionally cheated on Partner A
- Partner A feels like Partner B does nothing to contribute around the house
- Partner B never wants to have sex anymore
- We just feel so disconnected
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Let’s first talk about what leads to this breakdown of intimacy.
As seen from the list of complaints shared above there are a lot of things that can cause us to walk away from that love and connection we had on our wedding day. While there are many more personal and unique experiences that can be brought forward, below are some of the more common.
- Communication
When in conflict or when discussing hard conversations, misunderstanding and failure to gain perspective on your spouse’s opinion can lead to breakdown. Emotional distance grows when partners feel unheard or misunderstood in their feelings and observations.
- Time Management
Busyness is the thief of joy. When we do not prioritize our marriage as the second most important thing in our lives we lose each other to distraction and excuse.
- Conflicting Language
In the whirlwind of the dating phase, we tend to compromise our needs and wants. When the regularity of life sets in, those needs and wants return. Because our spouses got to know us when we weren’t expressing those needs or when they were more willing to step out of their own character and do things they normally wouldn’t, we end up feeling starved.
- Resentment
When we do not forgive our partners for the things that they do, resentment builds. We become jaded when they do not help us appropriately around the house or when they do that thing that we hate. We allow the negative feelings to seep in and overtake the love that we have for them.
Now let’s talk about how we rebuild.
First we have to start with knowing what practices combat the common breakdowns in intimacy.
- Communication
Set aside time for personal and meaningful conversation when emotions are not high. Talk about your feelings, fears, dreams, and thoughts. Listen to only understand and not to combat.
- Time Management
Make date nights important. Couples should be dating each other every 7-10 days. And dates DO NOT have to cost money. Sitting on the porch, sipping a glass of wine, and sharing quality time is just as beneficial as a night out on the town.
- Conflicting Language
Talk about your needs and wants with your partner. Explain what language you speak and come to a collaborative space where you both agree to speak a language in the middle that is sustainable. Explore love languages, conflict styles, and attachment styles to help articulate what some of those needs may be. Break down needs into daily needs (ex. More affection in the form of hugs, help with chores), monthly needs (ex. Date nights, more emotional conversations), omnipresent needs (ex. Transparency)
- Resentment
Share your perspective and hurt with your partner – and not when you are emotional. When you have had time to process your feelings and why certain things irritate you or hurt you – share them. We cannot truly let go and move forward without processing and sharing with our partners.
Once we start focusing on counteracting our breakdown, we then have to focus on rebuilding the individual areas of intimacy. To do so we have to understand the multiple types of intimacy that make a marriage.
- Recreational: the quality time you spend with your spouse to include hobbies and shared activities
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun” Ecclesiastes 9:9
- Physical: all forms of physical closeness to include sex
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love” Proverbs 5:18-19
- Intellectual: sharing ponderings and wondering of the mind
- Spiritual: cultivating practices and sharing thoughts/understandings around shared faith
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
- Emotional: sharing how you feel about situations and being vulnerable in your feelings
“Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way” 1 Peter 3:7
Some examples to rebuild are:
- Recreational
- Identify common hobbies and interests and go experiencing them together
- Try new places and experiences together – force yourselves to rely on each other
- Make date nights a regular occurrence (remember 7-10 days on average is the best practice)
- Travel together (weekend trips every 3-4 months and 7 day vacations every 1-2 years is best practice)
- Physical
- Show affection in public and private spaces
- Cuddle
- Talk about your needs and desires in the bedroom
- Learn your spouse and what pleases them
- Prioritize sex amongst the chaos
- Intellectual
- Discuss faith based topics
- Debate (civilly) over unshared values/beliefs
- Discuss opinions on things happening in the world around you
- Spiritual
- Apply biblical wisdom in your marriage
- Pray together
- Worship
- Engage in bible study together
- Emotional
- Share your feelings
- Be vulnerable
- Help your partner understand your perspective or things from your past that make you react a certain way
- Listen with intention when your spouse shares with you
With all of this in mind, you can rest assured in the faith that your marriage can feel like a deep connection again. There is faith that all the things that break us down over the years can be rebuilt again.
And if you are newly married or dating – or even if you are on the other side of rebuilding intimacy – use this information to be more proactive about your marriage. Get ahead of the worldly things that tear us down and root your marriage for eternity.
If you are struggling with intimacy in your marriage, turn to turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
Learn More
Swiping Left: How to Weed Out the Nominal Christians
Let me be honest from the beginning – you can’t really weed out the Nominal Christians by their Hinge bio alone.
These apps are inherently meant to connect us with someone based off of initial attraction and vaguely undefined values and intentions. You see a handsome man on Bumble who states to be a conservative, Christian, day trader. These descriptors don’t actually mean he is politically conservative, a true believer, or an expert crypto buyer. It just means that when scanning a list of pre-selected options, they seemed to be the best option in conveying how he perceives himself or what his “dream” women would want in a man.
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” Matthew 23:27
The ability to weed through the masses for the type of man you are looking for starts and ends with understanding the difference in heart posture. We all know how to identify a secularist – but understanding the difference between a nominal (in name) Christian and a true believer is paramount.
The nominal Christian – when we ask them if they are a Christian they say things like:
- “I grew up Baptist.”
- “I go to church on Sundays.”
- “I believe in God and Jesus.”
But wait – that sounds like a Believer!
You’re right – a believer would connect with those same sentiments. But when a believer is asked if they are Christian they reply with:
- “I value my relationship with the Lord.”
- “I surrender to God in exchange for self.”
- “I wrestle with my sins and am blessed for the mercy of our savior.”
Nominal Christians know the right things to “do”, maybe even to “say”. But nominal Christians don’t know what it means to have true heart posture and relationship with the Lord.
Dating – and marrying – a nominal Christian can be detrimental.
Research shows that nominal Christian husbands (even more than secularists!)
- Spend the least amount of time with their children
- Have the highest divorce rates
- Have the highest rates of domestic abuse
That’s scary when you think about it – that someone claiming to be a Christian would be the antithesis of Believer husbands who research shows have:
- The highest happiness rates
- The lowest instances of divorce
- The lowest incidences of abuse
- Spending 3.5x times more time with their children
So why the discrepancy?
The most obvious reason is their lack of submission and obedience to the Lord. The lack of intentional relationship with Christ. Without a true connection to our creator, a nominal Christian is only rooted in legalistic rules and concepts.
And topping the list of warped understanding? The concept of head of household and the submissive wife.
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
Misunderstanding of this verse lies in the definition of submit. The Greek word used in this passage of Ephesans is hupotasso – English translation “submit”. However, the word in Greek is defined as the demonstration of trust and obedience while humbly serving in mind and action. If we look at the English definition of submit – most of us stop at the “yielding to authority”. Rarely do we look at the English definition alternative of “presenting knowledge for consideration.”
When we compares the multiple English definitions of submit to the Greek word used in scripture we find that the submission of a wife means to:
- Respect our husband and his decisions
- Follow where husband leads
- Share burdens/thoughts/fears with husband
- Offer our best insight and information for consideration
- Hold our husband accountable
This is so different from the picture of 1950s housewife submission that so many have emblazoned in their mind. Specifically these nominal Christians.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27
Further distorted is the idea of the man as head of the household. If our conceptualization of submission is that of our wife doing any and everything that we tell them to – our conceptualization of “leading” the home would be rooted in being “in charge” at all times. It would mean that when the woman steps out of line, she should be held accountable. So many nominal Christians that adhere to this thought pattern use their definitions of submission and head of household to religiously justify their abuse, cheating, or poor behavior.
Scripturally however, headship does not mean being a dictator who is always right – it means:
- You go first before your family
- You initiate
- You act in a way that is worthy of emulating
- Authority and responsibility of the common good of the family
- Lead with ministry and family mission in mind
- Bear the family burdens
Having the knowledge of the heart difference between a believer and nominal Christian is paramount to your dating endeavors. Knowing how to weed through the men who claim to share the faith and those that are in relationship with the Lord will change the trajectory of your relationship.
And remember: Ephesians says for wives to submit to their husbands not for girlfriends to submit to their boyfriends.
Once you have swiped right on the cute Christian boy – keep these concepts handy. Use them to discern and identify if this person is the right person for you to date intentionally.
If you are weeding through the men and need help in the process of intentionally dating, turn to turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
Learn More
Turning on the Light
How to find hope in Dark Times: My Personal Account
At the beginning of October, Meghan wrote a blog about the devastation that Western North Carolina had experienced and how we should Anchor our Hope in Christ. It was a great post, and I wanted to expand on it, giving my personal account.
While I don’t live there, a part of my heart belongs to the North Carolina Mountains. Some of my fondest memories happened in the western part of North Carolina; including my engagement and wedding. Like many others, I cried when I saw the pictures and videos of the devastation and loss that occurred with Helene. I grieved the loss of hundreds of lives, beautiful communities, homes, and landscapes.
Then I saw an update from our friends at Brown Mountain Beach Resort, the place where I was married, my favorite spot in the North Carolina mountains. The video started with “we are not ok…” and my friend, battered and shaken explaining the devastation and loss he had just experienced. They almost lost their lives. They lost all of their possessions and home had to be gutted due to the 25 inches of rain and mud that filled it. Their business, a beautiful wedding venue was devastated. Their parent’s home had washed off its foundation. My heart broke as I watched and waited for more updates.
As I grieved, all I could think about was, how can I help? Questions filled my mind as I tried to make plans and answer the call to help. What can I do? I am at least 7 hours away. All roads are closed. They said to stay away. Stores are selling out of supplies. I have a toddler. I can’t help the way that I used to because it is difficult to serve while you chase a toddler around. Plus, it could be dangerous, and we can’t just sleep in a car or in a tent with our little girl.
My husband and I wanted to help as many as we could if we were going to make the journey up to the mountains. So, we spent about a week reaching out to friends and churches, gathering supplies and deciding the first place we needed to help was our friends. Our friends have 3 adopted children that live at home. We wanted to help them and bring them something special. Their oldest daughter is a big Harry Potter fan, so I ordered a shirt for her. The quote on the shirt said this:
"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light" -- Albus Dumbledore
As I looked at that shirt, I thought about that quote and if a 13-year-old girl who had just experienced tremendous darkness would be able to “find the light.” I thought, is there light in this darkness? Can someone find peace and hope in the disaster? If so, where is the light?
I prayed about these questions as my family and I headed into the mountains, not knowing what to expect. We weren’t sure if we could make it to our friends with all of the roads closed. We weren’t sure where we would sleep. We didn’t know if we could find enough gasoline to get back home; or if we could help or just be in the way. We were afraid that our daughter could handle the trip and we we questioned if we could be gone for more than just a few days. However, followed our hearts and took a chance.
On this journey, we saw the incredible of love and community. We saw strangers helping each other and sacrificing for their neighbors. We saw incredible resilience and an abundance of Grace. Through all of this, our anxieties were worked out. We had a comfortable place to sleep. Our daughter has thrived and loved being in the place as much as we do. We got the chance to hug our friends, cry with them, pray with them, and help them rebuild. We stayed for more than just a few days and were with them for almost 2 weeks. In our experience, we found and “turned on the light.”
So what is the light?
Jesus is the Light!
“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12 ESV)
With every story of survival from this storm, you hear of hope, grace, and God’s mercy. There are testimonies of protection. There are stories of faith and hope; of people trusting that God will continue to be with them as they rebuild their lives. Cling to these stories and seek to find Jesus in your trial. As you do this, you will be filled with the light of Jesus and can face any storm with peace. If you are struggling to find Jesus in your storm, check out this blog written by Gordon Dasher; it is a great personal testimony from someone from western North Carolina.
My Christian brothers and sisters, YOU are the light!
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.” (Matthew 5:14 NIV)
Brothers and Sisters in Christ, if we want to see light in the darkest hour, WE must turn it on. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. We are filled with the Holy Spirit. It is our responsibility to help those in need, to show the light to the world. We were blessed to witness the love of Jesus through the service of others during our time in the mountains. However, it doesn’t need to stop now that the devastation is not shown daily in the news.
The road to recovery will be long and difficult. The need will continue for months for some, and years for others. And for those who lost loved ones in the tragedy, grief could be experienced for their entire lifetime. We need to come together and continue to show love to those in need daily. There are many resources on how you can help others during this difficult time. For some of those resources, please check out Meghan’s previous blog here.
At Anchored Hope Counseling, we want to also offer our help to anyone who was affected by Helene. If you or someone you know is struggling with the impacts of Hurricane Helene or any other season of suffering, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights. You can also find us on Facebook and Instagram.
Learn More
Join Our Team!
We are hiring NC Licensed Therapists/Counselors
Join our team and be a part of what the Lord is doing at Anchored Hope Counseling! Anchored Hope Counseling, PLLC is expanding our practice located in Kannapolis, NC. Serving individuals ( of all ages), couples, and families, we are seeking a part-time or full-time contractor therapist (for virtual and in-person) with experience and specialty in any of the following areas: children, adolescents, adults, couples, or trauma. This position offers great flexibility of hours!
Join us for a work experience that is life-giving as you serve alongside a professional staff who are passionate about Jesus, people, and Christian mental health care. At Anchored Hope Counseling, we desire our work to have eternal significance and influence.
Specific responsibilities include:
- Provide expert care to each client showing compassion in all encounters.
- Respond to all potential and existing clients promptly; conduct complimentary 15-minute phone consultations to determine client needs.
- Conduct thorough intake assessment, develop and update treatment plans. · Document case sessions and other communications promptly in the EHR system
- Maintain professional conduct within the community and on social media.
- Maintain ethical standards defined by the American Counseling Association and the American Association of Christian Counselors.
- Maintain licensing in good standing
Qualifications:
- Applicants must be fully or provisionally licensed in the state of North Carolina, and have experience providing counseling to children, teens, couples and individuals.
- Must have desire/experience integrating Christian counseling in alignment with organization values.
- Experience working with children and couples desired but not necessary
- If needed, on-site supervision is provided for LCMHCAs.
Please, send your resume and cover letter to Stevi Reed, LCMHC, QS, NCC at stevi@anchored-hope.com
Learn More
Mental Health Reads For All The Book Lovers
A List of Fiction, Non-Fiction and Memoir Books About Mental Health
January 19, 2024 by Meghan Ray
As the weather gets colder and the winter blues kick in, it’s the perfect time of year to curl up on the couch with a blanket and great book. Reading is proven to lower stress levels, build empathy and resilience, increase perspective taking, improve mental health and broaden emotional intelligence. Below is a recommended reading list that covers non fiction self help, fiction novels with intuitive mental health representation, and memoirs written by authors who have struggled with an array of mental health disorders either themselves or within their family of origin. It is my hope that as you read any of these titles below, you gain an appreciation for mental health topics while also working on your own mental health through the inherent process of reading.
Non-Fiction/Self Help
Find Your People: Finding Deep Community in a Lonely World – Jennie Allen
- Christian author, Jennie Allen, explores the inherently lonely world we live in and discusses her vulnerable journey to finding community in a new town. She explores the type of christian relationships each woman should find in her life in order to enhance their lives and find the full wonder of christian community.
Good Enough: 40ish Devotionals for a Life of Imperfection – Kate Bowler
- Kate Bowler offers faith explorations on how we can make sense of life. This is a great book for when you want to start living your best life. Good Enough gives permission for all those who need to hear that there are some things you can fix—and some things you can’t.
- EXTRA: If you are interested in meeting this author she will be in Greensboro, NC on January 24th and Charlotte, NC on January 29th!
Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World – Bob Goff
- Christian author Bob Goff tells his own story where each day turns into a hilarious, whimsical, meaningful chance that makes faith simple and real. Bob draws on his own life story to inspire us all to be more secretly incredible.
Out of the Cave: Stepping into the Light when Depression Darkens What You See – Chris Hodges
- Pastor Chris Hodges uses Elijah’s life to show us that everyone is susceptible to depression. Even when we’re walking closely with God, we can still stumble and get lost in the wilderness of tangled emotions. Out of the Cave helps us remove the stigma of depression and realize we’re not alone.
You’re Going to Be OK: 16 Lessons on Healing after Trauma – Madeline Popelka
- Madeline Popelka is a trauma survivor who knows first-hand how some survivors can feel like they’ve lost themselves to trauma. It might even seem impossible to find the upside of a devastating experience. After Madeline was diagnosed with PTSD and began to heal, she felt a need to create a space where other trauma survivors wouldn’t feel so isolated.
Fiction w/ Mental Health Representation
Please note that each of these books contains very heavy and possibly triggering content. Please note the content topics and proceed reading with caution and sensitivity.
The Woman in the Window – AJ Finn (Agoraphobia/Murder Thriller)
- Anna Fox lives alone, a recluse in her New York City home, unable to venture outside. But when Anna, gazing out her window one night, sees something she shouldn’t, her world begins to crumble. What is real? What is imagined? Who is in danger? Who is in control? In this diabolically gripping thriller, no one—and nothing—is what it seems.
All the Ugly and Wonderful Things – Bryn Greenwood (Extreme Childhood Trauma/Inappropriate Child-Adult Relationships)
- A beautiful and provocative love story between two unlikely people and the hard-won relationship that elevates them above the meth lab backdrop of their lives. As the daughter of a drug dealer, Wavy knows not to trust people, not even her own parents. Struggling to raise her little brother, Donal, eight-year-old Wavy is the only responsible adult around. Obsessed with the constellations, she finds peace in the starry night sky, until one night her stargazing causes an accident. After witnessing his motorcycle wreck, she forms an unusual friendship with one of her father’s thugs, Kellen, a tattooed ex-con with a heart of gold.
All the Bright Places – Jennifer Niven (Depression/Suicidal Ideation/Survivors Guilt)
- Theodore Finch is fascinated by death, and he constantly thinks of ways he might kill himself. But each time, something good, no matter how small, stops him. Violet Markey lives for the future, counting the days until graduation, when she can escape her Indiana town. When Finch and Violet meet on the ledge of the bell tower at school, it’s unclear who saves whom.
The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath (Depression/Suicidal Ideation/Bipolar II)
- The Bell Jar chronicles the crack-up of Esther Greenwood who is slowly going under—maybe for the last time. Sylvia Plath masterfully draws the reader into Esther’s breakdown with such intensity that Esther’s insanity becomes completely real and even rational.
Its Kind of a Funny Story – Ned Vizzini (Psychiatric Ward/Depression/Suicidal Ideation)
- Ambitious New York City teenager Craig Gilner is determined to succeed at life – which means getting into the right high school to get into the right job. But once Craig aces his way into Manhattan’s Executive Pre-Professional High School, the pressure becomes unbearable. He stops eating and sleeping until, one night, he nearly kills himself.
Memoirs
Please note that each of these books contains very heavy and possibly triggering content. Please note the content topics and proceed reading with caution and sensitivity.
What my Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma – Stephanie Foo (Abandonment/Complex PTSD/Generational Trauma)
- In this deeply personal and thoroughly researched account, Foo interviews scientists and psychologists and tries a variety of innovative therapies. She returns to her hometown of San Jose, California, to investigate the effects of immigrant trauma on the community, and she uncovers family secrets in the country of her birth, Malaysia, to learn how trauma can be inherited through generations.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone – Lori Gottlieb (Depression/OCD/Anxiety/Suicidal Ideation)
- One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is revolutionary in its candor, offering a deeply personal yet universal tour of our hearts and minds and providing the rarest of gifts: a boldly revealing portrait of what it means to be human, and a disarmingly funny and illuminating account of our own mysterious lives and our power to transform them.
While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in the Era of Silence – Meg Kissinger (Anxiety/Depression/Mania/Bipolar)
- While You Were Out begins as the personal story of one family’s struggles then opens outward, as Kissinger details how childhood tragedy catalyzed a journalism career focused on exposing our country’s flawed mental health care. Combining the intimacy of memoir with the rigor of investigative reporting, the book explores the consequences of shame, the havoc of botched public policy, and the hope offered by new treatment strategies.
Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life – Christie Tate (Suicidal Ideation/Eating Disorder/Sexual Trauma)
- Group is a deliciously addictive read, and with Christie as our guide—skeptical of her own capacity for connection and intimacy, but hopeful in spite of herself—we are given a front row seat to the daring, exhilarating, painful, and hilarious journey that is group therapy—an under-explored process that breaks you down, and then reassembles you so that all the pieces finally fit.
The Glass Castle – Jeannette Walls (Bipolar/Poverty/Neglect/Childhood Trauma)
- A remarkable memoir of resilience and redemption, and a revelatory look into a family at once deeply dysfunctional and uniquely vibrant. When sober, Jeannette’s brilliant father captured his children’s imagination. But when he drank, he was dishonest and destructive. Her mother was a free spirit who abhorred the idea of domesticity and didn’t want the responsibility of raising a family. The Walls children learned to take care of themselves. They fed, clothed, and protected one another, and eventually found their way to New York. Their parents followed them, choosing to be homeless even as their children prospered.
Looking to grow in your own mental health journey? Need someone to talk to about topics similar to those covered in any of these books? If so, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
Learn More
Remember America
A Reflection of September 11, 2001
It’s been a long time since I wrote a blog. Life has been crazy with moving, remodeling, and many other life changes. However, today, it was important for me to take time and reflect on the 20th anniversary of September 11, 2001. Even though you will see many posts today you on reflection and remembrance, I wanted to take the time honor all those affected by sharing what I will never forget about that day and what I hope Americans will always remember.
The terror attacks on Sept. 11, 2001 forever changed our country like few events ever have, or ever will. Even after 20 years, I will never forget watching the second plane fly into the South Tower with my 8th grade classmates. I will never forget the feeling of terror and heartbreak watching people climb out of the rubble, carrying those who didn’t make it. I will never forget the tears and fear that day.
However, what I remember most about that day was not the shock and terror. It was the unity in the moments and days that followed. I remember being amazed at how an act of terror that was supposed to bring our country to its knees actually made American stronger. We stood united to help those in need. I was in awe of those on Flight 93 who sacrificed their lives to save others. In New York, I remember seeing ordinary citizens in business attire helping first responders pull people from the rubble. In rural North Carolina, you couldn’t drive anywhere without seeing an American flag flying, some even painted their lawns or roof with the “Red, White, and Blue.” Even middle school students put their differences aside and prayed together, helped each other, and shifted their focus on helping in some way. Everywhere you looked, there was amazing amounts of strength, compassion, patriotism, and unity. In the darkest of days, American’s looked beyond labels and stereotypes and just saw each other as American’s, united to honor our fallen and protect our freedom.
These incredible acts of compassion and strength inspired me, and at age 13, taught me what it truly meant to be an American. I understood the importance of my freedoms and how truly blessed I was to be born in the UNITED States of America. For the first time in my life, I saw what true unity looked like and why Americans must always remember to “Stand United.”
Sadly, despite all of the “never forget” posts you will see, I feel that American’s have forgotten to remember the most important part about September 11, 2001. We have forgotten the unity and the compassion for others, despite our differences. Our country seems to be the most divided it has been since the Civil War. Families are splitting over political differences. First responders who were once applauded for their service and courage, are now being called to terminate or de-fund their agencies. Finally, in a country that once valued freedom of choice, speech, and religion, individuals are being “canceled” when they step outside the “norm” or simply just make a mistake.
It is heartbreaking to see how far we have come in 20 years, but I still have a faith and love in this country. I pray that we can stand united again, despite all differences, just to show compassion and love to our fellow countrymen. Therefore my hope, as we reflect on this milestone anniversary, that all American’s will unite and recall the characteristics of this nation that allowed us to rise above the fear and become a stronger nation.
“…I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3 NIV)
Change of Perspective
Looking at Your Problems in a Different Way
The other day, my husband and I encountered a large problem with the permit of our house, which put our final inspections on hold. Instantly, when I heard of the problem, I went into the negative and dark place of “We will NEVER get to move into our new house” or “We will NEVER get out of this season.” However, when I noticed the “Nevers” consuming my mind, I took a moment to pray and realized that I needed a change of perspective. I needed to look at this problem in a different way.
How do you typically respond to problems or obstacles?
People tend to be creatures of habit. We move along our day planning to stay in our normal routine. When our routine is broken, we are shaken and tend to view the shift as a negative obstacle or problem.
Typically, problems upset and frustrate us. We lash out at the difficulty, resenting it and feeling bad for ourselves. We even rush to complain about our problems to others so they can feel bad for us too. However, this path only leads to a road of self-pity. Complaining and seeking pity ultimately wastes our time and energy. Unfortunately, viewing obstacles in this way can turn your problems into mountains; the larger we make it, the more unmovable it becomes.
Alternatively, try viewing the problems as a ladder, not a mountain. A ladder provides an opportunity to see your problem from a higher view point; a different perspective. Looking up at your problems at the lowest level, they can look larger than they really are; like mountains. However, looking from above or the top of the ladder, you can gain a heavenly perspective. From above, your problems look smaller and insignificant to the whole picture. Looking down at the problem, you can see how momentary the problem is, see what comes after the problem, and begin to focus on what is ahead of you.
Ultimately, by shifting your perspective, you can look past the problem and continue down your path without wasting time and effort on self-pity. To change your perspective and turn your problems from mountains to ladders, try these 3 tips.
1. Silence the negative lies and look for the truth.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” James 8:32 (NIV)
Is it true that I will NEVER finish my house? No, the truth is, that we have actually made considerable progress, worked hard, learned many lessons, and will eventually reap the rewards. Whenever, I am getting overwhelmed with negative thoughts, I have to stop and look for the logical truth. Often, that takes breaking down the lie and calmly re-framing the situation.
2. Show gratitude for the lesson
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3 (ESV)
The book of James directs us to count our trials a joy because it produces an unwavering faith and character. In other words, our trials are blessings. Trust me, I know that being grateful for struggles is hard! However, by changing our perspective in the situation and looking past the moment, we can see how the trial can challenge us, help us grow, and strengthen our character. Therefore, instead of spewing negative things like the “Nevers,” try statements of gratitude for the situation.
3. Persevere
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 (NIV)
This verse from James reminds us to persevere and push through the trail because God has promised us a great reward if we do. Therefore, hold onto that promise, remember God is with you every step of the way, and you will be rewarded for your perseverance. Ultimately, looking past the obstacle to see the reward in the end can help you remained focused on tackling the problem.
If you have a problem and would like help changing your perspective on the situation, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
Learn More
De-clutter Your Life: A Christian Perspective
For the past few weeks, I have taken a break from blogging. Why? I needed to take some time for spring cleaning. As many of you know, my husband and I are remodeling a 100 year old house. Whenever the house is finished, we will be downsizing tremendously. Unfortunately, downsizing also mean I need to de-clutter and clean out. Throughout this process, I have had to box up the essential items that we will be putting into our new home and selling or throwing out anything that is no longer needed. Before, I started this process, I always thought that I lived simply and never considered myself materialistic. However, the more I sort through cabinets and drawers, I am finding that I have still collected a ton of unnecessary things over the last decade and that I should have made it a point to de-clutter on a regular basis.
With all of the spring cleaning the past few weeks, I was reminded how our messy our lives can be when we forget to take time to de-clutter our lives and schedules and how “too much stuff” can be overwhelming to our mental and spiritual health. To find balance to your mental and spiritual health, here are 3 tips to de-clutter your life.
1. Get rid of the non-essentials:
Just like when you are spring cleaning, you have to start by sorting through the clutter and prioritize what needs to stay and what needs to go. Start this process by asking yourself the following questions.
“What feels like too much in my life today?”
“Do I have trouble getting rid of things I don’t use regularly “just in case” I need them later? Do these “just in case” items bless or burden me?”
“What is causing the most clutter in my life, possessions, over scheduling, or digital devices?”
“Does my stuff fit my space? Does it fit my needs and the needs of those who share my space? If not, what is one concrete step I can take this week toward eliminating physical clutter?
“What can I get rid of today to feel more peace?”
2. Stop putting your trust in stuff:
Matthew 6:19-21 states: “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (ESV).
Basically, this verse explains that our safety and security must not be rooted in material items because ultimately they do not last. Having the best stuff or most stuff does not make us better because those things have to always be replaced. Instead, this verse tells us to focus on our heavenly treasures by putting our focus on God and how we can live our life for him.
Remember, God doesn’t care for how many possessions we have and often chooses not to “bless” with an abundance of things; I don’t know about you, but my prayers to find $1,000,000 has never been answered! Instead He reminds us that possessions must never be our utmost concern, that our needs will be met and in return, he points us toward caring for others. The less stuff we have to manage, the more we can fulfill our purpose.
3. Take break from Technology:
Technology can be a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I love to easily be able to reach people all over the world within minutes and quickly ordering from Amazon is often much faster and easier than going to the store. However, social media addiction, looking at our phones instead of our family, web surfing time warps, and the instant gratification of likes and followers, can consume and clutter our lives. As a result, de-cluttering our lives often means de-cluttering our digital devices. I am not saying you have to get rid of your smartphones and tablets, but you may need to evaluate your time on your devices to see if it is causing your life to be cluttered.
Back in January, I made the decision to completely delete social media off of my phone and any non-essential apps. By doing so, I felt freer and even found myself with more free time in the evenings. I didn’t realize how much time I spent mindlessly scrolling through apps on my phone. By this simple task, I was able to free my soul and made space for my family, real friendships, and rest.
Ultimately, remember that clutter doesn’t have to be physical things. Work, family, housework, school, technology, and over committed calendars can lead to cluttered lives. This spring, take the opportunity to de-clutter your life through some spring cleaning. Little by little, you will learn what is truly essential in your life and will begin to let go of the non-essential “junk.” As a result, you will be able to reap the benefits of simplicity with calmer hearts, deeper relationships, and a joyful purpose.
If you want to de-clutter your life and need some help sorting through the essentials, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
Learn More