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Sparking Intimacy for Couples

by Meghan RayFebruary 1, 2024 Couples Counseling, Marriage and Relationships0 comments

Date Night Ideas in CLT

February 1, 2024 by Meghan Ray

As Valentine’s Day approaches, there is no better time to go out on a date night. Expert’s say that couples, no matter the stage of their relationship, should date at least every 10-14 days. Take a look at this list of ideas for all budgets to see how you can rekindle the intimacy or spice up the routine! 

Low Budget Couples

  1. Get Outdoors: Pack a lunch or afternoon snack and explore the great outdoors! 
    • Location: Crowder’s Mountain in Kings Mountain, NC
    • Cost: Free! 
    • Location: UNC Charlotte Botanical Gardens in Charlotte, NC
    • Cost: Free!
  2. See Whose More Competitive: Head on up to Concord and play classic board games with your date! Food and drink is available for purchase at their attached cafe.
  1. Take a Swing at Something New: Whether you call it putt putt or mini golf – take a night to see who can stay closest to par at this adults only indoor course. 

Medium Budget Couples

  1. What’s Duck Pin Bowling?!: Take on this spin of classic bowling and see who comes out on top! When you are done check out their variety of board games while you sip one of their self pour brews. Food served onsite. 
  2. Become a Chemist: Spend some quality couples time mixing together your own personal scent while you make your own candles. 
  3. Show Some Charlotte Spirit: Put on your red and black and head down to a Charlotte Checkers game at Bojangles Coliseum. 
  4. Raffaldini Vineyard Wine Tour: Step into Tuscany for the day when you take a tour and wine tasting at Charlotte’s local winery. 

High End Budget Couples

  1. Skate and Date: Spend your Valentine’s Day with a little physical activity followed by a 3 course tasting menu. Vegan and Gluten free options available! 
  2. Spice Things Up in the Kitchen: Want to learn some new cooking or baking skills? Fling some batter at your love while you whisk up a variety of new recipes! 
  3. Travel to a Galaxy Far Far Away: For all the Star Trek and Star Wars couples out there this one’s for you! A four course food and spirit tasting menu at one of Charlotte’s most exclusive speakeasy. Tickets only available by reservation Thursday – Sunday. 

Experiencing some relationship or marital difficulty? Need someone to help rekindle the flame? If so, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Mental Health Reads For All The Book Lovers

by Meghan RayJanuary 18, 2024 Anxiety, Anxiety and Stress, Christian Counseling, Couples Counseling, Depression, Hope, Mental Health, Stress, Treatments0 comments

A List of Fiction, Non-Fiction and Memoir Books About Mental Health 

January 19, 2024 by Meghan Ray

As the weather gets colder and the winter blues kick in, it’s the perfect time of year to curl up on the couch with a blanket and great book. Reading is proven to lower stress levels, build empathy and resilience, increase perspective taking, improve mental health and broaden emotional intelligence. Below is a recommended reading list that covers non fiction self help, fiction novels with intuitive mental health representation, and memoirs written by authors who have struggled with an array of mental health disorders either themselves or within their family of origin. It is my hope that as you read any of these titles below, you gain an appreciation for mental health topics while also working on your own mental health through the inherent process of reading. 

Non-Fiction/Self Help

Find Your People: Finding Deep Community in a Lonely World  – Jennie Allen 

  • Christian author, Jennie Allen, explores the inherently lonely world we live in and discusses her vulnerable journey to finding community in a new town. She explores the type of christian relationships each woman should find in her life in order to enhance their lives and find the full wonder of christian community. 

Good Enough: 40ish Devotionals for a Life of Imperfection – Kate Bowler 

  • Kate Bowler offers faith explorations on how we can make sense of life. This is a great book for when you want to start living your best life. Good Enough gives permission for all those who need to hear that there are some things you can fix—and some things you can’t. 
  • EXTRA: If you are interested in meeting this author she will be in Greensboro, NC on January 24th and Charlotte, NC on January 29th!

Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World – Bob Goff

  • Christian author Bob Goff tells his own story where each day turns into a hilarious, whimsical, meaningful chance that makes faith simple and real. Bob draws on his own life story to inspire us all to be more secretly incredible.

Out of the Cave: Stepping into the Light when Depression Darkens What You See – Chris Hodges

  • Pastor Chris Hodges uses Elijah’s life to show us that everyone is susceptible to depression. Even when we’re walking closely with God, we can still stumble and get lost in the wilderness of tangled emotions. Out of the Cave helps us remove the stigma of depression and realize we’re not alone.

You’re Going to Be OK: 16 Lessons on Healing after Trauma – Madeline Popelka

  • Madeline Popelka is a trauma survivor who knows first-hand how some survivors can feel like they’ve lost themselves to trauma. It might even seem impossible to find the upside of a devastating experience. After Madeline was diagnosed with PTSD and began to heal, she felt a need to create a space where other trauma survivors wouldn’t feel so isolated.

Fiction w/ Mental Health Representation

Please note that each of these books contains very heavy and possibly triggering content. Please note the content topics and proceed reading with caution and sensitivity.

The Woman in the Window – AJ Finn (Agoraphobia/Murder Thriller)

  • Anna Fox lives alone, a recluse in her New York City home, unable to venture outside. But when Anna, gazing out her window one night, sees something she shouldn’t, her world begins to crumble. What is real? What is imagined? Who is in danger? Who is in control? In this diabolically gripping thriller, no one—and nothing—is what it seems. 

All the Ugly and Wonderful Things – Bryn Greenwood (Extreme Childhood Trauma/Inappropriate Child-Adult Relationships) 

  • A beautiful and provocative love story between two unlikely people and the hard-won relationship that elevates them above the meth lab backdrop of their lives. As the daughter of a drug dealer, Wavy knows not to trust people, not even her own parents. Struggling to raise her little brother, Donal, eight-year-old Wavy is the only responsible adult around. Obsessed with the constellations, she finds peace in the starry night sky, until one night her stargazing causes an accident. After witnessing his motorcycle wreck, she forms an unusual friendship with one of her father’s thugs, Kellen, a tattooed ex-con with a heart of gold.

All the Bright Places – Jennifer Niven (Depression/Suicidal Ideation/Survivors Guilt)

  • Theodore Finch is fascinated by death, and he constantly thinks of ways he might kill himself. But each time, something good, no matter how small, stops him. Violet Markey lives for the future, counting the days until graduation, when she can escape her Indiana town. When Finch and Violet meet on the ledge of the bell tower at school, it’s unclear who saves whom.

The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath (Depression/Suicidal Ideation/Bipolar II) 

  • The Bell Jar chronicles the crack-up of Esther Greenwood who is slowly going under—maybe for the last time. Sylvia Plath masterfully draws the reader into Esther’s breakdown with such intensity that Esther’s insanity becomes completely real and even rational.

Its Kind of a Funny Story – Ned Vizzini (Psychiatric Ward/Depression/Suicidal Ideation) 

  • Ambitious New York City teenager Craig Gilner is determined to succeed at life – which means getting into the right high school to get into the right job. But once Craig aces his way into Manhattan’s Executive Pre-Professional High School, the pressure becomes unbearable. He stops eating and sleeping until, one night, he nearly kills himself.

Memoirs

Please note that each of these books contains very heavy and possibly triggering content. Please note the content topics and proceed reading with caution and sensitivity.

What my Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma – Stephanie Foo (Abandonment/Complex PTSD/Generational Trauma)

  • In this deeply personal and thoroughly researched account, Foo interviews scientists and psychologists and tries a variety of innovative therapies. She returns to her hometown of San Jose, California, to investigate the effects of immigrant trauma on the community, and she uncovers family secrets in the country of her birth, Malaysia, to learn how trauma can be inherited through generations.

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone – Lori Gottlieb (Depression/OCD/Anxiety/Suicidal Ideation)

  • One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is revolutionary in its candor, offering a deeply personal yet universal tour of our hearts and minds and providing the rarest of gifts: a boldly revealing portrait of what it means to be human, and a disarmingly funny and illuminating account of our own mysterious lives and our power to transform them.

While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in the Era of Silence – Meg Kissinger (Anxiety/Depression/Mania/Bipolar)

  • While You Were Out begins as the personal story of one family’s struggles then opens outward, as Kissinger details how childhood tragedy catalyzed a journalism career focused on exposing our country’s flawed mental health care. Combining the intimacy of memoir with the rigor of investigative reporting, the book explores the consequences of shame, the havoc of botched public policy, and the hope offered by new treatment strategies.

Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life – Christie Tate (Suicidal Ideation/Eating Disorder/Sexual Trauma)

  • Group is a deliciously addictive read, and with Christie as our guide—skeptical of her own capacity for connection and intimacy, but hopeful in spite of herself—we are given a front row seat to the daring, exhilarating, painful, and hilarious journey that is group therapy—an under-explored process that breaks you down, and then reassembles you so that all the pieces finally fit.

The Glass Castle – Jeannette Walls (Bipolar/Poverty/Neglect/Childhood Trauma)

  • A remarkable memoir of resilience and redemption, and a revelatory look into a family at once deeply dysfunctional and uniquely vibrant. When sober, Jeannette’s brilliant father captured his children’s imagination. But when he drank, he was dishonest and destructive. Her mother was a free spirit who abhorred the idea of domesticity and didn’t want the responsibility of raising a family. The Walls children learned to take care of themselves. They fed, clothed, and protected one another, and eventually found their way to New York. Their parents followed them, choosing to be homeless even as their children prospered.

Looking to grow in your own mental health journey? Need someone to talk to about topics similar to those covered in any of these books? If so, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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How to Let Go of Your Grudges

by Stevi ReedApril 6, 2021 Couples Counseling, Depression0 comments

There is an old saying, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Often in counseling, I encounter people who are angry and bitter because they are holding onto grudges. Holding a grudge involves replaying a past injustice over and over in your head. If you are holding a grudge, you repeatedly get caught up in the emotions associated with the situation long after it has passed. Unfortunately, grudges keeps you “stuck” in the situation, rehashing the painful experience over and over again. Holding onto grudges weighs you down and keeps you from healing your emotional pain. In order to move on and heal, it is important to let go of your grudges.

The longer you hold a grudge the more difficult it is to forgive and move on. To let go of a grudge, shift your focus off the person who “wronged” you and the story of your suffering. Here are steps you can take to let go of a grudge.

1. Acknowledge the problem and identify your feelings.

 First of all, identify what the grudge is and what is causing you to hold onto it. A grudge can form when a problem is not fully confronted or solved. Clarify your feelings on the situation. What is the emotion behind the hurt? Are you angry, sad, ashamed? Then, decide if this is something you will work on yourself, or if you need to contact the person involved.  

2. Gain understanding about the person who wronged you to show empathy and compassion.

Secondly, it is helpful to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand their point of view and behavior. Understanding the other person does not justify their behavior, or that you were wronged, but it might make it easier to let go of the grudge.

3. Acceptance.

Thirdly, consciously choose to release the grudge – with or without an apology. The other person may never come around, and they might have forgotten about the issue or not even realize how you were affected. Even if you do not receive an apology, the other person might be remorseful. Sometimes people are remorseful but struggle to apologize due to pride or shame.

4. Stop dwelling on it.

Fourthly, once you decide to move on and release the grudge, keep moving forward. Do not spend time thinking about the situation, or repeatedly discuss it with others. If the issue is brought up in conversation, change the subject.

5. Consider the positive.

Next, try viewing the situation that caused your grudge as a learning experience. To do this, try answering these questions:

  • What have been the benefits of that experiences?
  • How can I learn and grow from this experience?
  • What amazing thing wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t experienced that?
  • How can I be grateful for this situation?

6. Forgive.

Finally, try forgiveness. Forgiveness is the intentional decision to give up the right for vengeance, retribution, or negative thoughts toward the “offender” in order to release resentment, bitterness, anger, and other negative emotions. You recognize your hurt and pain and you make the choice to let it go. This process promotes emotional healing and restoration of inner peace—and it may also allow for full reconciliation. Remember, forgiving the person does not mean forgetting about what happened; it can just be acknowledging differences and accepting that everyone makes mistakes.

If you want to let go of your grudges, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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How to Rebuild Trust in Your Relationship

by Stevi ReedMarch 30, 2021 Couples Counseling0 comments

After a betrayal in your relationship, it might feel impossible to move on as a couple. You may feel like you may never be able to trust your partner again. However, there is hope. A damaged relationship can heal with time, effort, and the restoration of trust. While it can be difficult to navigate the rough waters of a betrayed relationship, seeking and using techniques from therapy can be extremely helpful. Here are a few ways to rebuild trust in your relationship.

Communicate openly

The first step to rebuilding trust is open communication. Open communication gives you both a chance to understand the other person’s problems and barriers.

Sit down together without any distractions (that means put your phone away) and be real with your spouse, and give them the chance to be real as well. What does that mean? Avoid sounding accusatory and use I-statements. Really listen to your partner and ask open ended questions. Don’t focus the conversation on yourself or your hurts. Ask clarifying questions about their needs, desires, and feelings. Make sure your body language communicates that you’re present and open to what they have to say. Finally, make sure open and honest yourself.

Trust yourself.

Even with more communication, you might be questioning your own instincts after a betrayal. However, learning to trust yourself, your feelings, and your ability to move forward is key to rebuilding your relationship.

It is also important to remember trust issues can cause insecurities  about your relationship and yourself. Ultimately, these insecurities can damage your self-esteem over time. Building up your self-esteem takes patience and practice. To combat this, make a list of what you like about yourself or write out positive affirmations to tell yourself daily.

Stop “Checking Up”

Thirdly, reading through text messages or checking their location constantly strips them of the chance to be honest with you. Avoid the temptation of checking their phone or social media for “evidence.” 

Spend time together

Even with all of these things, you cannot reconnect unless you spend more time together. Therefore, it is important to do fun activities together – plan a picnic in the park, take a walk, or just stay in and play board games. No matter what it is, it is important to spend one-on-one time together to reconnect. Sometimes, we get caught up in our daily routines that we forget to date and connect with the ones we love. Get out of your rut by changing your routine and starting something new together like a new hobby that you both can do together.

Seek Counseling Together 

Finally, couples counseling is an excellent way to express your feelings in a mediated space. During a session, a therapist can give you tools and techniques to use at home to better communicate with one another. Couples counseling can help you work through difficult questions and find common ground. 

If you’re looking to overcome trust issues or want to rebuild trust in your relationship, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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