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The 3 Biblical Reasons for Divorce

by Meghan RayMay 15, 2024 Uncategorized0 comments

As a Christian, when we walk down the aisle on our wedding day, we are committing to a lifetime with our spouse. The bible tells us in Mark 10 that when we marry “two become one flesh”, that in the eyes of God we have been joined together. When we consider our our marriages, none of us consider the idea of divorce. Quite frankly, most of us don’t even see it as an option.

As a Christian counselor who works with couples who are struggling in their marriages, the most frequent thing I hear is “I can’t get divorced because I am a Christian and I made a promise to God.” While this sentiment is true for most cases, what many people don’t know, is that God provides in scripture 3 reasons for biblical divorce. When I share this with clients, many have no idea, or are resistant to the idea because for the majority of their life they have been told that divorce is not an option.

While I never suggest divorce as an immediate response to difficult times, I think it is imperative for Christians to know when divorce is an option. At the root of this mentality is the notion that marriage is a way of honoring and worshipping God. If we are not carrying out our marriages in the way He deems appropriate, we are dishonoring Him just as much by staying as we are by possibly leaving. So what are the reasons that God provides anyway?

Reason 1: Abandonment

“But if a husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases, the believing husband or wife, is no longer bound to the other.” 1 Corinthians 7:15A

In this passage, we are provided that we are not bound as Believers in remaining married to a non-believing spouse. The biggest thing to note here is what constitutes a believer. Just because your spouse attends church, may read their bible or say their prayers, does not mean that they are faithfully Believing or engaging in a relationship with our Lord. Following the works and rituals does not guarantee a relationship and belief. Many wives tell me that their husband’s are not spiritually leading or that their husbands just “check the boxes” of what they are “supposed” to do. When this is the case, abandonment may be considered as a reason for divorce.

Reason 2: Adultery

“ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:7-9

This reason for divorce is the most widely known and discussed in the modern church community. While original language of scripture doesn’t translate to “adultery”, the notion is that sexual immorality is grounds for divorce. The most confusing part of this scripture is that if a divorce occurs, and one remarries, they are committing “adultery”. However, this is only the case of they divorce for non-biblical reasons (as discussed in this blog).

Reason 3: Abuse

Exodus 21:10; Deuteronomy 21:11 (and many more)

This final reason for divorce is probably the most convoluted. There is no direct statement in scripture that says “divorce is ok if someone is abusing you emotionally or physically”. However, many places in the bible discuss how abuse is displeasing to the meaning of marriage and are dishonoring of the marriage bond. When you think about abuse as reason for divorce, consider reconciliation deeply – for God can heal us of sins. However, when abuse is chronic, unchanging, and damaging to mental and physical safety, divorce is permittable. The spouse is not living a Christian life and submitting to a biblical marriage which qualifies them as a non-believer.

Remember that the first step if experiencing marriage conflict should be to seek help in the form of counseling. This will help redirect your marriage back on God. If you are experiencing a biblical reason for divorce, it may be worth considering if you are honoring God? If your marriage is struggling or if divorce for biblical reasons is necessary seek a Christian therapist near you. Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Sparking Intimacy for Couples

by Meghan RayFebruary 1, 2024 Couples Counseling, Marriage and Relationships0 comments

Date Night Ideas in CLT

February 1, 2024 by Meghan Ray

As Valentine’s Day approaches, there is no better time to go out on a date night. Expert’s say that couples, no matter the stage of their relationship, should date at least every 10-14 days. Take a look at this list of ideas for all budgets to see how you can rekindle the intimacy or spice up the routine! 

Low Budget Couples

  1. Get Outdoors: Pack a lunch or afternoon snack and explore the great outdoors! 
    • Location: Crowder’s Mountain in Kings Mountain, NC
    • Cost: Free! 
    • Location: UNC Charlotte Botanical Gardens in Charlotte, NC
    • Cost: Free!
  2. See Whose More Competitive: Head on up to Concord and play classic board games with your date! Food and drink is available for purchase at their attached cafe.
  1. Take a Swing at Something New: Whether you call it putt putt or mini golf – take a night to see who can stay closest to par at this adults only indoor course. 

Medium Budget Couples

  1. What’s Duck Pin Bowling?!: Take on this spin of classic bowling and see who comes out on top! When you are done check out their variety of board games while you sip one of their self pour brews. Food served onsite. 
  2. Become a Chemist: Spend some quality couples time mixing together your own personal scent while you make your own candles. 
  3. Show Some Charlotte Spirit: Put on your red and black and head down to a Charlotte Checkers game at Bojangles Coliseum. 
  4. Raffaldini Vineyard Wine Tour: Step into Tuscany for the day when you take a tour and wine tasting at Charlotte’s local winery. 

High End Budget Couples

  1. Skate and Date: Spend your Valentine’s Day with a little physical activity followed by a 3 course tasting menu. Vegan and Gluten free options available! 
  2. Spice Things Up in the Kitchen: Want to learn some new cooking or baking skills? Fling some batter at your love while you whisk up a variety of new recipes! 
  3. Travel to a Galaxy Far Far Away: For all the Star Trek and Star Wars couples out there this one’s for you! A four course food and spirit tasting menu at one of Charlotte’s most exclusive speakeasy. Tickets only available by reservation Thursday – Sunday. 

Experiencing some relationship or marital difficulty? Need someone to help rekindle the flame? If so, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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How to Let Go of Your Grudges

by Stevi ReedApril 6, 2021 Couples Counseling, Depression0 comments

There is an old saying, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Often in counseling, I encounter people who are angry and bitter because they are holding onto grudges. Holding a grudge involves replaying a past injustice over and over in your head. If you are holding a grudge, you repeatedly get caught up in the emotions associated with the situation long after it has passed. Unfortunately, grudges keeps you “stuck” in the situation, rehashing the painful experience over and over again. Holding onto grudges weighs you down and keeps you from healing your emotional pain. In order to move on and heal, it is important to let go of your grudges.

The longer you hold a grudge the more difficult it is to forgive and move on. To let go of a grudge, shift your focus off the person who “wronged” you and the story of your suffering. Here are steps you can take to let go of a grudge.

1. Acknowledge the problem and identify your feelings.

 First of all, identify what the grudge is and what is causing you to hold onto it. A grudge can form when a problem is not fully confronted or solved. Clarify your feelings on the situation. What is the emotion behind the hurt? Are you angry, sad, ashamed? Then, decide if this is something you will work on yourself, or if you need to contact the person involved.  

2. Gain understanding about the person who wronged you to show empathy and compassion.

Secondly, it is helpful to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand their point of view and behavior. Understanding the other person does not justify their behavior, or that you were wronged, but it might make it easier to let go of the grudge.

3. Acceptance.

Thirdly, consciously choose to release the grudge – with or without an apology. The other person may never come around, and they might have forgotten about the issue or not even realize how you were affected. Even if you do not receive an apology, the other person might be remorseful. Sometimes people are remorseful but struggle to apologize due to pride or shame.

4. Stop dwelling on it.

Fourthly, once you decide to move on and release the grudge, keep moving forward. Do not spend time thinking about the situation, or repeatedly discuss it with others. If the issue is brought up in conversation, change the subject.

5. Consider the positive.

Next, try viewing the situation that caused your grudge as a learning experience. To do this, try answering these questions:

  • What have been the benefits of that experiences?
  • How can I learn and grow from this experience?
  • What amazing thing wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t experienced that?
  • How can I be grateful for this situation?

6. Forgive.

Finally, try forgiveness. Forgiveness is the intentional decision to give up the right for vengeance, retribution, or negative thoughts toward the “offender” in order to release resentment, bitterness, anger, and other negative emotions. You recognize your hurt and pain and you make the choice to let it go. This process promotes emotional healing and restoration of inner peace—and it may also allow for full reconciliation. Remember, forgiving the person does not mean forgetting about what happened; it can just be acknowledging differences and accepting that everyone makes mistakes.

If you want to let go of your grudges, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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How to Rebuild Trust in Your Relationship

by Stevi ReedMarch 30, 2021 Couples Counseling0 comments

After a betrayal in your relationship, it might feel impossible to move on as a couple. You may feel like you may never be able to trust your partner again. However, there is hope. A damaged relationship can heal with time, effort, and the restoration of trust. While it can be difficult to navigate the rough waters of a betrayed relationship, seeking and using techniques from therapy can be extremely helpful. Here are a few ways to rebuild trust in your relationship.

Communicate openly

The first step to rebuilding trust is open communication. Open communication gives you both a chance to understand the other person’s problems and barriers.

Sit down together without any distractions (that means put your phone away) and be real with your spouse, and give them the chance to be real as well. What does that mean? Avoid sounding accusatory and use I-statements. Really listen to your partner and ask open ended questions. Don’t focus the conversation on yourself or your hurts. Ask clarifying questions about their needs, desires, and feelings. Make sure your body language communicates that you’re present and open to what they have to say. Finally, make sure open and honest yourself.

Trust yourself.

Even with more communication, you might be questioning your own instincts after a betrayal. However, learning to trust yourself, your feelings, and your ability to move forward is key to rebuilding your relationship.

It is also important to remember trust issues can cause insecurities  about your relationship and yourself. Ultimately, these insecurities can damage your self-esteem over time. Building up your self-esteem takes patience and practice. To combat this, make a list of what you like about yourself or write out positive affirmations to tell yourself daily.

Stop “Checking Up”

Thirdly, reading through text messages or checking their location constantly strips them of the chance to be honest with you. Avoid the temptation of checking their phone or social media for “evidence.” 

Spend time together

Even with all of these things, you cannot reconnect unless you spend more time together. Therefore, it is important to do fun activities together – plan a picnic in the park, take a walk, or just stay in and play board games. No matter what it is, it is important to spend one-on-one time together to reconnect. Sometimes, we get caught up in our daily routines that we forget to date and connect with the ones we love. Get out of your rut by changing your routine and starting something new together like a new hobby that you both can do together.

Seek Counseling Together 

Finally, couples counseling is an excellent way to express your feelings in a mediated space. During a session, a therapist can give you tools and techniques to use at home to better communicate with one another. Couples counseling can help you work through difficult questions and find common ground. 

If you’re looking to overcome trust issues or want to rebuild trust in your relationship, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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