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The 3 Biblical Reasons for Divorce

by Meghan RayMay 15, 2024 Uncategorized0 comments

As a Christian, when we walk down the aisle on our wedding day, we are committing to a lifetime with our spouse. The bible tells us in Mark 10 that when we marry “two become one flesh”, that in the eyes of God we have been joined together. When we consider our our marriages, none of us consider the idea of divorce. Quite frankly, most of us don’t even see it as an option.

As a Christian counselor who works with couples who are struggling in their marriages, the most frequent thing I hear is “I can’t get divorced because I am a Christian and I made a promise to God.” While this sentiment is true for most cases, what many people don’t know, is that God provides in scripture 3 reasons for biblical divorce. When I share this with clients, many have no idea, or are resistant to the idea because for the majority of their life they have been told that divorce is not an option.

While I never suggest divorce as an immediate response to difficult times, I think it is imperative for Christians to know when divorce is an option. At the root of this mentality is the notion that marriage is a way of honoring and worshipping God. If we are not carrying out our marriages in the way He deems appropriate, we are dishonoring Him just as much by staying as we are by possibly leaving. So what are the reasons that God provides anyway?

Reason 1: Abandonment

“But if a husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases, the believing husband or wife, is no longer bound to the other.” 1 Corinthians 7:15A

In this passage, we are provided that we are not bound as Believers in remaining married to a non-believing spouse. The biggest thing to note here is what constitutes a believer. Just because your spouse attends church, may read their bible or say their prayers, does not mean that they are faithfully Believing or engaging in a relationship with our Lord. Following the works and rituals does not guarantee a relationship and belief. Many wives tell me that their husband’s are not spiritually leading or that their husbands just “check the boxes” of what they are “supposed” to do. When this is the case, abandonment may be considered as a reason for divorce.

Reason 2: Adultery

“ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:7-9

This reason for divorce is the most widely known and discussed in the modern church community. While original language of scripture doesn’t translate to “adultery”, the notion is that sexual immorality is grounds for divorce. The most confusing part of this scripture is that if a divorce occurs, and one remarries, they are committing “adultery”. However, this is only the case of they divorce for non-biblical reasons (as discussed in this blog).

Reason 3: Abuse

Exodus 21:10; Deuteronomy 21:11 (and many more)

This final reason for divorce is probably the most convoluted. There is no direct statement in scripture that says “divorce is ok if someone is abusing you emotionally or physically”. However, many places in the bible discuss how abuse is displeasing to the meaning of marriage and are dishonoring of the marriage bond. When you think about abuse as reason for divorce, consider reconciliation deeply – for God can heal us of sins. However, when abuse is chronic, unchanging, and damaging to mental and physical safety, divorce is permittable. The spouse is not living a Christian life and submitting to a biblical marriage which qualifies them as a non-believer.

Remember that the first step if experiencing marriage conflict should be to seek help in the form of counseling. This will help redirect your marriage back on God. If you are experiencing a biblical reason for divorce, it may be worth considering if you are honoring God? If your marriage is struggling or if divorce for biblical reasons is necessary seek a Christian therapist near you. Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Spring Cleaning and Mental Health

by Meghan RayApril 15, 2024 Uncategorized0 comments

Decluttering your mind, body and soul

Flowers are popping back up. The weather is getting warmer. Birds are chirping and returning from their winter migration. Spring is notorious for fresh starts and beginning new. In the cycle of seasons, the cycle of life is reflected. After periods of decay, death, and ends, a season of rebirth, renewal, and rejuvenation takes hold. For many people, this means attacking their closets, cupboards, and garages for the age old spring cleaning. But spring cleaning doesn’t have to just be about cleaning out your spaces – it can also mean cleaning out your mind, focusing on your health, and washing away the sins of your soul. 

Renewing your Mind

  1. Take some time to reflect on your negative thoughts and the attached behaviors. Consider how you can let these negativities go and start anew. Possibly write each one down and toss them in the fire. Alternatively, try journaling about them and reflecting on what goals you want to achieve. 
  2. Straighten up your priorities. Take inventory of all the things you are responsible for and engage with on a daily basis. Which of these things can you let go of? Which of these things can you do less of? What things actually matter? Putting your priorities in order and honoring what matters most to you will allow you to let some things go that don’t serve you.

Refocusing your Body

  1. Create a self-care routine. It takes 30 days to make a habit, and research suggests we should only try to build 1 or 2 habits at a time. Physical self care could be introducing a new intuitive eating and nutrition plan, exercising more, or getting regular sleep. 
  2. Movement is so important to getting back to equilibrium. Movement can be as big as regular high intensity exercise or as simple as a stroll in your neighborhood. Bonus points if you move outside in the sunshine! 

Rejuvenating your Soul

  1. Find a new (or reintroduce) intentional practice with God. It is so easy to let go of our relationship building and intentionality with the Lord as we go through everyday life. Try 15 minutes of prayer, a new devotional, or 30 minutes of reading your bible. Your soul will thank you for it. 
  2. Reconnect with people through gratitude and appreciation. When we find things we are thankful for in our relationships and share them with those loved ones, we can provide ourselves with our own dopamine hit – which means more happy vibes! 

If you are ready to work towards your own personal spring cleaning – looking to bring new growth to your mind, body, and soul, turn to a therapist near you at Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Discovering Healing at the Root

by Meghan RayMarch 13, 2024 Uncategorized0 comments

A reflection on why we should do the hard work to heal

By Meghan Ray, March 13 2024

Instant Gratification

When we look at today’s society, we see an influx in taking the easy way out. We are living in the generation of “right now” with instantaneous access to everything. You can google the name of that one guy in that one movie in a matter of seconds. I can have anything from books, clothing, groceries, and a Dunkin latte delivered in a matter of minutes. You no longer wait a week for the next episode of your favorite show to drop. Rather you binge an entire series in a matter of a few days. I can even “search find” a phrase of the bible in our ever handy bible apps instead of searching through the text firsthand. Instant gratification, contentment, happiness and knowledge. Everything happens right now and when I want. The time of waiting, working, and devoting time and energy, no longer defines our society. 

Application to Therapy

As a therapist, I see this in no better example than in the demand for instantaneous “healing” from our traumas, anxieties, depression, stressors – whatever is plaguing our mental health. We are all looking for a magical phrase or tactic that will change our lives and our emotions overnight. What’s difficult in working with a “right now” society is that healing is not instantaneous. Healing is hard, long, time consuming, and frustrating. It is only when we give it that time and hard work, that we actually get to the root of our problems and heal in a long term substantial way.

The Problem in Mental Health?

One of the biggest issues, to me, in the mentality of wanting right now healing, is the immediate turn to medication. While medication has a time and place in some situations, the chronic referral to medicate to address mental health is on the rise. We are living in the most medicated society of any other developed nation. Why? Because when I have a pill I can take each morning to “fix” my emotions and feelings, then I don’t have to do all the leg work therapy entails. I am “instantaneously” healed. Let me emphasize that there is nothing wrong with medication – it is a very useful tool to help regulate brain chemistry so that clients can be stable enough to do the leg work of therapy. However, when we are only pushing for medication and not therapy we are doing a disservice to our clients and their long term growth.

Turn from Shortcuts

It is in my nature as a therapist to turn my nose down to shortcuts in healing. Shortcuts don’t help us find the things that are plaguing our personal and generational problems. They don’t help us find coping skills and strategies to address these problems long term. Shortcuts don’t help us face the things that are difficult for us and make us grow within that uncomfortably. So whether you have been dealing with mental health issues for years or it something that has just come on to your radar, ask yourself – will instant gratification get me to long term happiness? Will taking the shortcut help me become and sustain the person I want to be?

If you or someone you know has gotten to the point that you are ready to heal from the root and promote a lifetime of sustained stability, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Sparking Intimacy for Couples

by Meghan RayFebruary 1, 2024 Couples Counseling, Marriage and Relationships0 comments

Date Night Ideas in CLT

February 1, 2024 by Meghan Ray

As Valentine’s Day approaches, there is no better time to go out on a date night. Expert’s say that couples, no matter the stage of their relationship, should date at least every 10-14 days. Take a look at this list of ideas for all budgets to see how you can rekindle the intimacy or spice up the routine! 

Low Budget Couples

  1. Get Outdoors: Pack a lunch or afternoon snack and explore the great outdoors! 
    • Location: Crowder’s Mountain in Kings Mountain, NC
    • Cost: Free! 
    • Location: UNC Charlotte Botanical Gardens in Charlotte, NC
    • Cost: Free!
  2. See Whose More Competitive: Head on up to Concord and play classic board games with your date! Food and drink is available for purchase at their attached cafe.
  1. Take a Swing at Something New: Whether you call it putt putt or mini golf – take a night to see who can stay closest to par at this adults only indoor course. 

Medium Budget Couples

  1. What’s Duck Pin Bowling?!: Take on this spin of classic bowling and see who comes out on top! When you are done check out their variety of board games while you sip one of their self pour brews. Food served onsite. 
  2. Become a Chemist: Spend some quality couples time mixing together your own personal scent while you make your own candles. 
  3. Show Some Charlotte Spirit: Put on your red and black and head down to a Charlotte Checkers game at Bojangles Coliseum. 
  4. Raffaldini Vineyard Wine Tour: Step into Tuscany for the day when you take a tour and wine tasting at Charlotte’s local winery. 

High End Budget Couples

  1. Skate and Date: Spend your Valentine’s Day with a little physical activity followed by a 3 course tasting menu. Vegan and Gluten free options available! 
  2. Spice Things Up in the Kitchen: Want to learn some new cooking or baking skills? Fling some batter at your love while you whisk up a variety of new recipes! 
  3. Travel to a Galaxy Far Far Away: For all the Star Trek and Star Wars couples out there this one’s for you! A four course food and spirit tasting menu at one of Charlotte’s most exclusive speakeasy. Tickets only available by reservation Thursday – Sunday. 

Experiencing some relationship or marital difficulty? Need someone to help rekindle the flame? If so, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Tools to Help You Climb out of Hopelessness and Depression

by Stevi ReedMarch 23, 2021 Anxiety and Stress, Depression, Stress0 comments

In a previous blog, I compared times of depression and hopelessness to a difficult hike. It helps me to persevere through difficult times when I shift my mindset and look for the reward and growth opportunities, instead of focusing on the struggle and pain. Now, I wanted to expand on that concept and share some tools that can help overcome hopelessness and depression.

To take on any big hike, you need to train and prepare. However, no matter how hard you train, you will struggle with your hike if you forget to bring the proper gear. You need the proper shoes and clothing, sturdy poles, a backpack, food, and other practical tools to help you along your journey. Just like going on a hike, there are common practical tools that can help you through your journey of stress, hopelessness, and depression. 

5 tools to help you with stress, hopelessness, and depression

1. Schedule time for relaxation.

Every good hiker will tell you make sure you take time to rest. When you push yourself to much on a hike, you can quickly burnout. The same is true when you are feeling stressed, hopeless or depressed. When you don’t take some time to truly relax and unwind in those moments, you can easily become tired and overwhelmed. To prevent this, schedule regular moments of relaxation; it can even be just 10 or 15 minutes. Try prayer or meditation time to help you feel more calm and centered. You can also listen to music, practice deep breathing, or even take a short nap.

2. Set Goals and Manage your time.

When it comes to hiking, you should take time to relax and enjoy your walk. However, too much relaxation can lead to a disaster. It is always suggested that when hiking you set goals and manage your time. Hikers map out their trails and set obtainable goals to get the best out of their hike. They want to make sure they make all the stops along the trail and camp at the best sites. To do that, they have to manage their time and set goals to make sure they stay on schedule.

Like rest, time management and goals also help prevent burnout. For example, if you spend all of your time taking it slow in the beginning of a hike, you end up pushing yourself too much at the end. This is true for our daily life as well. If we procrastinate or don’t manage our time properly, we push ourselves too much last minute; putting even more stress and worry on ourselves.  When everything feels hopeless, try setting small goals and steps to achieve them; create a hope map or create a realistic ‘to do’ list and delegate appropriate responsibilities to yourself and household.

3. Create or make time for fun activities.

I love watching families with small children hike because I love to see the fun and creative ways parents will make the climb fun for their kids. Usually, they play an “I spy” game or collect fun things from nature to take home for crafts. One of my personal hobbies is photography and, for me, one the best reasons to go on a hike is to get great pictures of the scenery.

On top of that, stopping along the way to get pictures takes my mind off the tiredness. Just like in hiking, hobbies and other fun activities can take away the stress we are facing, they give us something to look forward to, and even take our mind off of our circumstances. Therefore, when you start to feel depressed or hopeless, take some time out for fun and your favorite hobby. You can also try journaling, playing a game, or spending time with your pets.

4. Make sure you are taking care of yourself.

If a pro-hiker were to give you advice for your big hike, they would probably tell you to get plenty of rest and eat healthy the day before and make sure you pack plenty of healthy high carb and protein snacks for your journey. Nothing is worse than a restless night and a heavy, fatty meal right before a big hike. That combination will do nothing but make you sluggish and slow on your hike. On top of that, not packing the right food for you hike can also ruin your energy levels and make it harder to continue the journey.

This can happen in your daily life as well. While, to me nothing is better than a good burger or ice cream, I know that if I ate that all the time, I would start to feel sluggish, tired, and unmotivated. In times of hopelessness, how we treat our bodies can have a great impact on how we feel. Therefore, when you are feeling down, practice self-care by eating balanced meals, getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, and getting at least seven hours of sleep each night.

5. Socialize

One of my favorite things about hiking is the people you would meet along the journey. Every hiker I have ever encountered has been friendly, helpful, and encouraging. Their support and kindness always seemed to push me to keep going. In life we need those kind words and encouragement from the people that we meet along the journey. If Covid-19 has taught us anything, it has taught us how isolation can bring on feelings of hopelessness and depression. We need to stay connected to our loved ones, even when we feel stressed or down. They build us up and help take our mind off of our troubles. In times of hopelessness, find ways to connect to others. Try having meaningful conversations with a friend, find fun activities to do with family or friends, go out for a meal with a loved one, or participate in spiritual activities with others. 

At the end of the day, if you still feel like the mountain of depression and hopelessness is still too hard to climb, reach out to Anchored Hope Counseling today. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of their offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. Also, if you found this post to be helpful, remember to share it with others and subscribe for more insights and news each week.

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Shining a Light on the Broken Past

by Stevi ReedMarch 2, 2021 Counseling0 comments

Thanks to the Goonies and Indiana Jones, my husband and I love to explore old abandoned places; anything from ancient ruins and castles to abandoned farm houses lost in woods of North Carolina. To us, if it is old, dirty, and a little dangerous, we are going in to explore it. To some, we seem adventurous and to many, we seem a little crazy…”Why would anyone risk their life just to walk through an old abandoned building?” those people tend to ask.

Usually, when people ask me that question I respond with a smile and say we are treasure hunters or that we should have been archeologists. However, lately (after watching many episodes of Expedition Unknown—thank you Discovery+), I have realized that there is more beauty in our hobby than I ever realized.

Lately, I have reminisced about the many times we crawled through dark, abandoned doorways, past spiders and other critters I try not to think about. Each time, we would pull out our flashlights and shine a light on the forgotten past of this once thriving structure. Usually, our goal is to look past the mess, slime and critters to uncover a treasure left behind or clues and a connection to a long-lost life. 

Through my reminiscing, I was reminded about shame and how devastating it can be on our life. Shame is like the rust, dirt, or vines that can eat at on old building; causing it to slowly crumble away. We may try to bury it and abandon it, but usually the mess begins to rot the structure until it is so damaged that it is uninhabitable. As it begins to collapse or fall away, it becomes unrecognizable and the things that remained inside become lost.

As hard as we may try to bury our shame and keep it from the light, somehow it always seems to creep its way out of the cracks and the light exposes it. Other times, it stays hidden until someone who is too curious (or cares, however you want to look at it) trespasses into our lives and shines a bright flashlight directly on our shame, guilt, or sin.

Shining a light on shame is hard. You see the rot, the mess, and the destruction. The damage can be scary and even a little dangerous to those who discover it. However, if you persevere through the darkness, and shine light on all the corners, you may discover the connection to the past that you once lost and longed for. You may find the hidden treasure in the room or realize that what was in the dark isn’t as scary as you once thought. Hopefully, after time exploring in the light, you find that the healing power of the light is better than letting everything fall away in the darkness.

The great thing about explorers and archeologists, is that when they find an abandoned structure, they see beauty and want to reveal its history to the world. They clear away the mess and begin to rebuild the structure back to its former glory. Amazingly, they don’t just tear it down and start fresh. They use what is there and preserve it. They clean and fix it. They restore it and make it stronger. In the end, it is just as beautiful as it once was, stronger, and more cherished.

If you have a secret shame that has been destroying you from the inside out, I want to encourage you to seek the light, find your connection to the past, clear away the mess, and find healing and restoration. Please know that I understand that this process is hard, but there is good news, you don’t have to do it alone! At Anchored Hope Counseling, I can help you explore the shame, find the light you need, and help you restore yourself to what you always wanted to be.

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