Counseling Tag

God of Comfort: Being Anchored in Christ When We are Suffering

Hurricane Helene: devastates Western Carolina and Tennessee with hundred dead and even more missing. Entire cities wiped clean. People now homeless and desperate for supplies.

Shipping Union Strike: For the first time in over 50 years, the shipping union is on strike due to unfair wages. Supplies along the eastern seaboard to be at an all time low as strike continues. 

In the last 7 days, there has been a valley of immense struggle, loss, and devastation around us. As we look to the days ahead, there are a lot of unknowns for many Americans. It is in times like these that it is so easy to ask “Why do you allow this God?” “What did we do to deserve this level of struggle?” 

The concept of why? Is one that is explored frequently in the bible. The book of Job gives us the closest “answer”. Suffering is part of our experience. Instead of asking what we did wrong to deserve something, or blaming God for suffering, we are called to see God show up on the journey of suffering with us and deliver us on the other side. Christ is our redeemer whose ultimate position is to extend us grace and mercy. Through deliverance of all affliction, we can find the comfort of being anchored in Christ. Suffering may be a part of His plan but until it is well, it is not over. God has a plan to prosper us and not harm us, plans to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). This is the ultimate gift of eternal life. 

Being anchored in Christ merely means that we are trusting in Him. We are allowing His presence to calm our hearts in the chaos around us. And boy have we been in chaos. When we are able to see past the suffering that feels like it has been afflicted upon us, we are able to root ourselves deeply in the knowledge of the comfort of the Lord. It is then that we can take that comfort and comfort others through His eternal, extending love.

2 Corinthians 1:3 says “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort.”

Paul tells us that all comfort amongst struggle comes from God himself. He goes on to say in verse 4 “He comforts us in all our afflictions, so that we are able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction.” Jesus experienced the ultimate suffering for all of us, alone on the cross. He did this so that God’s comfort could be ours for eternity to have and to share.  

The headlines of chaos are swarming (and with the election looming its bound to expand). In this time, remember that our hearts anchored in Christ allows us to feel peace and provide for others. If you are currently walking in a season of suffering, afflicted by the chaotic world, remember that He remains. He is your “perfect peace that leads to a steadfast heart” (Isaiah 26:3). If you are currently adjacent to the suffering of our country, inflicted by the sadness and devastation that has occurred to those around you, remember that you are called. Through ministry we can provide others abundant comfort (in means that you are able) and love. 

If you are looking for ways to provide comfort to those experiencing suffering from Hurricane Helene please click here. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with the impacts of Hurricane Helene or any other season of suffering, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Holistic Wellness for Better Mental Health

Incorporating the 6 Dimensions of Wellness into your Mental Health Healing

Counseling is so pivotal to the mental health journey. However, it is not the only thing to consider as we take a 360 look at improving our lives. In recent years, research has narrowed wellness down into 6 distinct categories: emotional, social, physical, occupational/financial, intellectual, and spiritual. Whether you are in the thick of your healing, or just now starting, looking deeper into how each of the 6 dimensions can be improved in your life is essential. Below, we define each of the dimensions as well as provide tangible suggestions on how to take action in incorporating them into your therapeutic endeavor. 

Emotional

Emotional wellness is defined by the ability to experience positive feelings and adapt to stressful and hard times with resiliency and grace. This dimension of wellness allows us to be more grateful, content, compassionate, and empathetic to those around us. When hard times arise, people with strong emotional wellness are able to have perspective and address concerns head on. If this is an area of growth for you, some suggestions for improvement include:

1. Practice mindfulness – use an app such as Headspace
2. Process your emotions through individual reflection (try this journal) or with a trained professional (like a counselor at Anchored Hope Counseling). 
3. Engage in more gratitude – share with others when you are thankful for them and how they are positively impacting your daily life.

Social

Social wellness is defined by the ability to engage in healthy relationships that are able to be maintained long term, provide connection and belonging, and are supportive. This dimension of wellness allows us to feel less alone and more engaged with the people around us. When hard times arise, people with strong social wellness have people to lean on for understanding and support. If this is an area of growth for you, some suggestions for improvement include:

1. Take up a hobby to meet new people
2. Get involved with a community organization or through a church 
3. Prioritize your current relationships by allowing time and access while deepening through intimate interactions 

Physical

Physical wellness is defined by the ability to recognize the need to take care of your physical body through sleep, nutrition, and exercise. This dimension of wellness allows us to create and maintain strong bodies that are capable of withstanding time and stress. When hard times arise, people with strong physical wellness are able to keep themselves free of ailment and disease or bounce back from ailment quickly. If this is an area of growth for you, some suggestions for improvement include:

1. Find a type of exercise you enjoy
2. Eat a more balanced and intuitive diet. Consider listening to a podcast such as Freely Rooted to get new perspectives on holistic and clean eating.
3. Be mindful of what you are putting in and on your body. So many products are processed and made with tons of chemicals that can cause so many long term effects 
4. Take supplements that are natural and boost your body’s ability to do what it was made to do 

Occupational/Financial

Occupational/Financial wellness has classically been lumped together as one dimension. They are defined by the ability to create a healthy work life balance that promotes personal satisfaction and financial reward/stability. This dimension of wellness allows us to be more intentional about how we are contributing to society through our work, while maintaining a healthy home life, and making smart and stable monetary choices. When hard times arise, people with strong occupational/financial wellness are able to recognize when a change in work needs to occur, when money needs to be better managed, and are financially prepared to sustain a loss or change of occupation. If this is an area of growth for you, some suggestions for improvement include: 

1. Create a budget that allows for saving. A good app is Monarch Money
2. Be mindful of work and home life boundaries – agree to leaving home at home and work at work 
3. Engage in more mindful learning about investing and long term planning – consider the podcast Faith Driven Investor

Intellectual 

Intellectual wellness is defined by the interest and engagement in intellectual curiosity, creativity, and growth. This dimension of wellness allows us to be lifelong learners that are dedicated to engaging in the content that interests us and sharing it as appropriate. When hard times arise, people with strong intellectual wellness are able to have perspective and share research based information that allows them to develop their opinions and thought patterns. If this is an area of growth for you, some suggestions for improvement include:

1. Read – find a topic that interests you and engage through books. If you aren’t sure where to start, websites like Goodreads have lists of books in over 1,000 categories with ratings and reviews 
2. When you hear information or opinions of others, do your own research before jumping to conclusions or believing it as truth 
3. Learn a new skill that you have been wanting to learn – bonus if you can turn it into a side hustle 

Spiritual

Spiritual wellness is defined by having a purpose or sense of meaning in life that is defined by your morals, values, and ethics. For many people, spiritual wellness has a religious component, but it does not have to. This dimension of wellness allows us to be more grounded in what we believe and make sure our actions align with our beliefs. When hard times arise, people with strong spiritual wellness are able to lean on their faith and understanding of their perspective of the world. If this is an area of growth for you, some suggestions for improvement include:

1. Prayer
2. Practice forgiveness – people who are able to forgive are more likely to feel connected to their core beliefs and the grace that life provides 
3. If able, travel to places different than where you come from. Engaging with other cultures helps you be grounded in what you believe while also broadening closed off beliefs and through patterns. 

Take a look at this resource where you can assess your current life balance among the 6 dimensions so that you can adequately address the areas needed for long term growth and development. 

If you are ready to work towards starting your wellness journey or looking to bring new growth to your already thriving work towards growth, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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The 3 Biblical Reasons for Divorce

As a Christian, when we walk down the aisle on our wedding day, we are committing to a lifetime with our spouse. The bible tells us in Mark 10 that when we marry “two become one flesh”, that in the eyes of God we have been joined together. When we consider our our marriages, none of us consider the idea of divorce. Quite frankly, most of us don’t even see it as an option.

As a Christian counselor who works with couples who are struggling in their marriages, the most frequent thing I hear is “I can’t get divorced because I am a Christian and I made a promise to God.” While this sentiment is true for most cases, what many people don’t know, is that God provides in scripture 3 reasons for biblical divorce. When I share this with clients, many have no idea, or are resistant to the idea because for the majority of their life they have been told that divorce is not an option.

While I never suggest divorce as an immediate response to difficult times, I think it is imperative for Christians to know when divorce is an option. At the root of this mentality is the notion that marriage is a way of honoring and worshipping God. If we are not carrying out our marriages in the way He deems appropriate, we are dishonoring Him just as much by staying as we are by possibly leaving. So what are the reasons that God provides anyway?

Reason 1: Abandonment

“But if a husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases, the believing husband or wife, is no longer bound to the other.” 1 Corinthians 7:15A

In this passage, we are provided that we are not bound as Believers in remaining married to a non-believing spouse. The biggest thing to note here is what constitutes a believer. Just because your spouse attends church, may read their bible or say their prayers, does not mean that they are faithfully Believing or engaging in a relationship with our Lord. Following the works and rituals does not guarantee a relationship and belief. Many wives tell me that their husband’s are not spiritually leading or that their husbands just “check the boxes” of what they are “supposed” to do. When this is the case, abandonment may be considered as a reason for divorce.

Reason 2: Adultery

“ I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Matthew 19:7-9

This reason for divorce is the most widely known and discussed in the modern church community. While original language of scripture doesn’t translate to “adultery”, the notion is that sexual immorality is grounds for divorce. The most confusing part of this scripture is that if a divorce occurs, and one remarries, they are committing “adultery”. However, this is only the case of they divorce for non-biblical reasons (as discussed in this blog).

Reason 3: Abuse

Exodus 21:10; Deuteronomy 21:11 (and many more)

This final reason for divorce is probably the most convoluted. There is no direct statement in scripture that says “divorce is ok if someone is abusing you emotionally or physically”. However, many places in the bible discuss how abuse is displeasing to the meaning of marriage and are dishonoring of the marriage bond. When you think about abuse as reason for divorce, consider reconciliation deeply – for God can heal us of sins. However, when abuse is chronic, unchanging, and damaging to mental and physical safety, divorce is permittable. The spouse is not living a Christian life and submitting to a biblical marriage which qualifies them as a non-believer.

Remember that the first step if experiencing marriage conflict should be to seek help in the form of counseling. This will help redirect your marriage back on God. If you are experiencing a biblical reason for divorce, it may be worth considering if you are honoring God? If your marriage is struggling or if divorce for biblical reasons is necessary seek a Christian therapist near you. Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Spring Cleaning and Mental Health

Decluttering your mind, body and soul

Flowers are popping back up. The weather is getting warmer. Birds are chirping and returning from their winter migration. Spring is notorious for fresh starts and beginning new. In the cycle of seasons, the cycle of life is reflected. After periods of decay, death, and ends, a season of rebirth, renewal, and rejuvenation takes hold. For many people, this means attacking their closets, cupboards, and garages for the age old spring cleaning. But spring cleaning doesn’t have to just be about cleaning out your spaces – it can also mean cleaning out your mind, focusing on your health, and washing away the sins of your soul. 

Renewing your Mind

1. Take some time to reflect on your negative thoughts and the attached behaviors. Consider how you can let these negativities go and start anew. Possibly write each one down and toss them in the fire. Alternatively, try journaling about them and reflecting on what goals you want to achieve. 
2. Straighten up your priorities. Take inventory of all the things you are responsible for and engage with on a daily basis. Which of these things can you let go of? Which of these things can you do less of? What things actually matter? Putting your priorities in order and honoring what matters most to you will allow you to let some things go that don’t serve you.

Refocusing your Body

1. Create a self-care routine. It takes 30 days to make a habit, and research suggests we should only try to build 1 or 2 habits at a time. Physical self care could be introducing a new intuitive eating and nutrition plan, exercising more, or getting regular sleep. 
2. Movement is so important to getting back to equilibrium. Movement can be as big as regular high intensity exercise or as simple as a stroll in your neighborhood. Bonus points if you move outside in the sunshine! 

Rejuvenating your Soul

1. Find a new (or reintroduce) intentional practice with God. It is so easy to let go of our relationship building and intentionality with the Lord as we go through everyday life. Try 15 minutes of prayer, a new devotional, or 30 minutes of reading your bible. Your soul will thank you for it. 
2. Reconnect with people through gratitude and appreciation. When we find things we are thankful for in our relationships and share them with those loved ones, we can provide ourselves with our own dopamine hit – which means more happy vibes! 

If you are ready to work towards your own personal spring cleaning – looking to bring new growth to your mind, body, and soul, turn to a therapist near you at Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Discovering Healing at the Root

A reflection on why we should do the hard work to heal

By Meghan Ray, March 13 2024

Instant Gratification

When we look at today’s society, we see an influx in taking the easy way out. We are living in the generation of “right now” with instantaneous access to everything. You can google the name of that one guy in that one movie in a matter of seconds. I can have anything from books, clothing, groceries, and a Dunkin latte delivered in a matter of minutes. You no longer wait a week for the next episode of your favorite show to drop. Rather you binge an entire series in a matter of a few days. I can even “search find” a phrase of the bible in our ever handy bible apps instead of searching through the text firsthand. Instant gratification, contentment, happiness and knowledge. Everything happens right now and when I want. The time of waiting, working, and devoting time and energy, no longer defines our society. 

Application to Therapy

As a therapist, I see this in no better example than in the demand for instantaneous “healing” from our traumas, anxieties, depression, stressors – whatever is plaguing our mental health. We are all looking for a magical phrase or tactic that will change our lives and our emotions overnight. What’s difficult in working with a “right now” society is that healing is not instantaneous. Healing is hard, long, time consuming, and frustrating. It is only when we give it that time and hard work, that we actually get to the root of our problems and heal in a long term substantial way.

The Problem in Mental Health?

One of the biggest issues, to me, in the mentality of wanting right now healing, is the immediate turn to medication. While medication has a time and place in some situations, the chronic referral to medicate to address mental health is on the rise. We are living in the most medicated society of any other developed nation. Why? Because when I have a pill I can take each morning to “fix” my emotions and feelings, then I don’t have to do all the leg work therapy entails. I am “instantaneously” healed. Let me emphasize that there is nothing wrong with medication – it is a very useful tool to help regulate brain chemistry so that clients can be stable enough to do the leg work of therapy. However, when we are only pushing for medication and not therapy we are doing a disservice to our clients and their long term growth.

Turn from Shortcuts

It is in my nature as a therapist to turn my nose down to shortcuts in healing. Shortcuts don’t help us find the things that are plaguing our personal and generational problems. They don’t help us find coping skills and strategies to address these problems long term. Shortcuts don’t help us face the things that are difficult for us and make us grow within that uncomfortably. So whether you have been dealing with mental health issues for years or it something that has just come on to your radar, ask yourself – will instant gratification get me to long term happiness? Will taking the shortcut help me become and sustain the person I want to be?

If you or someone you know has gotten to the point that you are ready to heal from the root and promote a lifetime of sustained stability, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Sparking Intimacy for Couples

Date Night Ideas in CLT

February 1, 2024 by Meghan Ray

As Valentine’s Day approaches, there is no better time to go out on a date night. Expert’s say that couples, no matter the stage of their relationship, should date at least every 10-14 days. Take a look at this list of ideas for all budgets to see how you can rekindle the intimacy or spice up the routine! 

Low Budget Couples

1. Get Outdoors: Pack a lunch or afternoon snack and explore the great outdoors! 
   • Location: Crowder’s Mountain in Kings Mountain, NC
   • Cost: Free! 
   • Location: UNC Charlotte Botanical Gardens in Charlotte, NC
   • Cost: Free!
2. See Whose More Competitive: Head on up to Concord and play classic board games with your date! Food and drink is available for purchase at their attached cafe.
   • Location: Luck Factory Games in Concord, NC
   • Cost: $8-10 per person
   • Website: https://luckfactorygames.com/about/3-steps-to-get-your-game-on/ 

3. Take a Swing at Something New: Whether you call it putt putt or mini golf – take a night to see who can stay closest to par at this adults only indoor course. 
   • Location: Puttary in Charlotte, NC
   • Cost: $22 per person 
   • Website: https://www.puttery.com/locations/charlotte/ 

Medium Budget Couples

1. What’s Duck Pin Bowling?!: Take on this spin of classic bowling and see who comes out on top! When you are done check out their variety of board games while you sip one of their self pour brews. Food served onsite. 
   • Location: Pinhouse in Charlotte, NC
   • Cost: $20 per hour 
   • Website: https://pinhouseclt.com/ 
2. Become a Chemist: Spend some quality couples time mixing together your own personal scent while you make your own candles. 
   • Location: Paddywax in Charlotte, NC
   • Cost: $45 per person 
   • Website: https://thecandlebar.co/products/candle-pouring-charlotte
3. Show Some Charlotte Spirit: Put on your red and black and head down to a Charlotte Checkers game at Bojangles Coliseum. 
   • Location: Bojangles Coliseum in Charlotte, NC
   • Cost: $25-$55 per person
   • Dates of Home Games: 2/2, 2/3, 2/17, 2/18, 2/24, & 2/25
   • Website: https://charlottecheckers.com/schedule/schedule 
4. Raffaldini Vineyard Wine Tour: Step into Tuscany for the day when you take a tour and wine tasting at Charlotte’s local winery. 
   • Location: Raffaldini Vineyard in Ronda, NC
   • Cost: $30 per person
   • Website: https://www.raffaldini.com/Visit/Information 

High End Budget Couples

1. Skate and Date: Spend your Valentine’s Day with a little physical activity followed by a 3 course tasting menu. Vegan and Gluten free options available! 
   • Location: US White Water Center in Charlotte, NC
   • Cost: $65 per person 
   • Date of Interest: February 14
   • Website: https://center.whitewater.org/dining/skate-and-date/ 
2. Spice Things Up in the Kitchen: Want to learn some new cooking or baking skills? Fling some batter at your love while you whisk up a variety of new recipes! 
   • Location: Chef Alyssa’s Kitchen in Charlotte, NC
   • Cost: $75-$85 per person 
   • Variety of classes offered all month long! 
   • Website: https://chefalyssaskitchen.com/classes/ 
3. Travel to a Galaxy Far Far Away: For all the Star Trek and Star Wars couples out there this one’s for you! A four course food and spirit tasting menu at one of Charlotte’s most exclusive speakeasy. Tickets only available by reservation Thursday – Sunday. 
   • Location: Supperland Speakeasy in Charlotte, NC
   • Cost: $160
   • Dates of Interest: February 1 – March 16
   • Website: https://supper.land/supperland-speakeasy/ 

Experiencing some relationship or marital difficulty? Need someone to help rekindle the flame? If so, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe  to our weekly blog for more news and insights.

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Tools to Help You Climb out of Hopelessness and Depression

In a previous blog, I compared times of depression and hopelessness to a difficult hike. It helps me to persevere through difficult times when I shift my mindset and look for the reward and growth opportunities, instead of focusing on the struggle and pain. Now, I wanted to expand on that concept and share some tools that can help overcome hopelessness and depression.

To take on any big hike, you need to train and prepare. However, no matter how hard you train, you will struggle with your hike if you forget to bring the proper gear. You need the proper shoes and clothing, sturdy poles, a backpack, food, and other practical tools to help you along your journey. Just like going on a hike, there are common practical tools that can help you through your journey of stress, hopelessness, and depression. 

5 tools to help you with stress, hopelessness, and depression

1. Schedule time for relaxation.

Every good hiker will tell you make sure you take time to rest. When you push yourself to much on a hike, you can quickly burnout. The same is true when you are feeling stressed, hopeless or depressed. When you don’t take some time to truly relax and unwind in those moments, you can easily become tired and overwhelmed. To prevent this, schedule regular moments of relaxation; it can even be just 10 or 15 minutes. Try prayer or meditation time to help you feel more calm and centered. You can also listen to music, practice deep breathing, or even take a short nap.

2. Set Goals and Manage your time.

When it comes to hiking, you should take time to relax and enjoy your walk. However, too much relaxation can lead to a disaster. It is always suggested that when hiking you set goals and manage your time. Hikers map out their trails and set obtainable goals to get the best out of their hike. They want to make sure they make all the stops along the trail and camp at the best sites. To do that, they have to manage their time and set goals to make sure they stay on schedule.

Like rest, time management and goals also help prevent burnout. For example, if you spend all of your time taking it slow in the beginning of a hike, you end up pushing yourself too much at the end. This is true for our daily life as well. If we procrastinate or don’t manage our time properly, we push ourselves too much last minute; putting even more stress and worry on ourselves.  When everything feels hopeless, try setting small goals and steps to achieve them; create a hope map or create a realistic ‘to do’ list and delegate appropriate responsibilities to yourself and household.

3. Create or make time for fun activities.

I love watching families with small children hike because I love to see the fun and creative ways parents will make the climb fun for their kids. Usually, they play an “I spy” game or collect fun things from nature to take home for crafts. One of my personal hobbies is photography and, for me, one the best reasons to go on a hike is to get great pictures of the scenery.

On top of that, stopping along the way to get pictures takes my mind off the tiredness. Just like in hiking, hobbies and other fun activities can take away the stress we are facing, they give us something to look forward to, and even take our mind off of our circumstances. Therefore, when you start to feel depressed or hopeless, take some time out for fun and your favorite hobby. You can also try journaling, playing a game, or spending time with your pets.

4. Make sure you are taking care of yourself.

If a pro-hiker were to give you advice for your big hike, they would probably tell you to get plenty of rest and eat healthy the day before and make sure you pack plenty of healthy high carb and protein snacks for your journey. Nothing is worse than a restless night and a heavy, fatty meal right before a big hike. That combination will do nothing but make you sluggish and slow on your hike. On top of that, not packing the right food for you hike can also ruin your energy levels and make it harder to continue the journey.

This can happen in your daily life as well. While, to me nothing is better than a good burger or ice cream, I know that if I ate that all the time, I would start to feel sluggish, tired, and unmotivated. In times of hopelessness, how we treat our bodies can have a great impact on how we feel. Therefore, when you are feeling down, practice self-care by eating balanced meals, getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, and getting at least seven hours of sleep each night.

5. Socialize

One of my favorite things about hiking is the people you would meet along the journey. Every hiker I have ever encountered has been friendly, helpful, and encouraging. Their support and kindness always seemed to push me to keep going. In life we need those kind words and encouragement from the people that we meet along the journey. If Covid-19 has taught us anything, it has taught us how isolation can bring on feelings of hopelessness and depression. We need to stay connected to our loved ones, even when we feel stressed or down. They build us up and help take our mind off of our troubles. In times of hopelessness, find ways to connect to others. Try having meaningful conversations with a friend, find fun activities to do with family or friends, go out for a meal with a loved one, or participate in spiritual activities with others. 

At the end of the day, if you still feel like the mountain of depression and hopelessness is still too hard to climb, reach out to Anchored Hope Counseling today. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of their offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. Also, if you found this post to be helpful, remember to share it with others and subscribe for more insights and news each week.

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Shining a Light on the Broken Past

Thanks to the Goonies and Indiana Jones, my husband and I love to explore old abandoned places; anything from ancient ruins and castles to abandoned farm houses lost in woods of North Carolina. To us, if it is old, dirty, and a little dangerous, we are going in to explore it. To some, we seem adventurous and to many, we seem a little crazy…”Why would anyone risk their life just to walk through an old abandoned building?” those people tend to ask.

Usually, when people ask me that question I respond with a smile and say we are treasure hunters or that we should have been archeologists. However, lately (after watching many episodes of Expedition Unknown—thank you Discovery+), I have realized that there is more beauty in our hobby than I ever realized.

Lately, I have reminisced about the many times we crawled through dark, abandoned doorways, past spiders and other critters I try not to think about. Each time, we would pull out our flashlights and shine a light on the forgotten past of this once thriving structure. Usually, our goal is to look past the mess, slime and critters to uncover a treasure left behind or clues and a connection to a long-lost life. 

Through my reminiscing, I was reminded about shame and how devastating it can be on our life. Shame is like the rust, dirt, or vines that can eat at on old building; causing it to slowly crumble away. We may try to bury it and abandon it, but usually the mess begins to rot the structure until it is so damaged that it is uninhabitable. As it begins to collapse or fall away, it becomes unrecognizable and the things that remained inside become lost.

As hard as we may try to bury our shame and keep it from the light, somehow it always seems to creep its way out of the cracks and the light exposes it. Other times, it stays hidden until someone who is too curious (or cares, however you want to look at it) trespasses into our lives and shines a bright flashlight directly on our shame, guilt, or sin.

Shining a light on shame is hard. You see the rot, the mess, and the destruction. The damage can be scary and even a little dangerous to those who discover it. However, if you persevere through the darkness, and shine light on all the corners, you may discover the connection to the past that you once lost and longed for. You may find the hidden treasure in the room or realize that what was in the dark isn’t as scary as you once thought. Hopefully, after time exploring in the light, you find that the healing power of the light is better than letting everything fall away in the darkness.

The great thing about explorers and archeologists, is that when they find an abandoned structure, they see beauty and want to reveal its history to the world. They clear away the mess and begin to rebuild the structure back to its former glory. Amazingly, they don’t just tear it down and start fresh. They use what is there and preserve it. They clean and fix it. They restore it and make it stronger. In the end, it is just as beautiful as it once was, stronger, and more cherished.

If you have a secret shame that has been destroying you from the inside out, I want to encourage you to seek the light, find your connection to the past, clear away the mess, and find healing and restoration. Please know that I understand that this process is hard, but there is good news, you don’t have to do it alone! At Anchored Hope Counseling, I can help you explore the shame, find the light you need, and help you restore yourself to what you always wanted to be.

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