Change of Perspective
Looking at Your Problems in a Different Way
The other day, my husband and I encountered a large problem with the permit of our house, which put our final inspections on hold. Instantly, when I heard of the problem, I went into the negative and dark place of “We will NEVER get to move into our new house” or “We will NEVER get out of this season.” However, when I noticed the “Nevers” consuming my mind, I took a moment to pray and realized that I needed a change of perspective. I needed to look at this problem in a different way.
How do you typically respond to problems or obstacles?
People tend to be creatures of habit. We move along our day planning to stay in our normal routine. When our routine is broken, we are shaken and tend to view the shift as a negative obstacle or problem.
Typically, problems upset and frustrate us. We lash out at the difficulty, resenting it and feeling bad for ourselves. We even rush to complain about our problems to others so they can feel bad for us too. However, this path only leads to a road of self-pity. Complaining and seeking pity ultimately wastes our time and energy. Unfortunately, viewing obstacles in this way can turn your problems into mountains; the larger we make it, the more unmovable it becomes.
Alternatively, try viewing the problems as a ladder, not a mountain. A ladder provides an opportunity to see your problem from a higher view point; a different perspective. Looking up at your problems at the lowest level, they can look larger than they really are; like mountains. However, looking from above or the top of the ladder, you can gain a heavenly perspective. From above, your problems look smaller and insignificant to the whole picture. Looking down at the problem, you can see how momentary the problem is, see what comes after the problem, and begin to focus on what is ahead of you.
Ultimately, by shifting your perspective, you can look past the problem and continue down your path without wasting time and effort on self-pity. To change your perspective and turn your problems from mountains to ladders, try these 3 tips.
1. Silence the negative lies and look for the truth.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” James 8:32 (NIV)
Is it true that I will NEVER finish my house? No, the truth is, that we have actually made considerable progress, worked hard, learned many lessons, and will eventually reap the rewards. Whenever, I am getting overwhelmed with negative thoughts, I have to stop and look for the logical truth. Often, that takes breaking down the lie and calmly re-framing the situation.
2. Show gratitude for the lesson
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3 (ESV)
The book of James directs us to count our trials a joy because it produces an unwavering faith and character. In other words, our trials are blessings. Trust me, I know that being grateful for struggles is hard! However, by changing our perspective in the situation and looking past the moment, we can see how the trial can challenge us, help us grow, and strengthen our character. Therefore, instead of spewing negative things like the “Nevers,” try statements of gratitude for the situation.
3. Persevere
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 (NIV)
This verse from James reminds us to persevere and push through the trail because God has promised us a great reward if we do. Therefore, hold onto that promise, remember God is with you every step of the way, and you will be rewarded for your perseverance. Ultimately, looking past the obstacle to see the reward in the end can help you remained focused on tackling the problem.
If you have a problem and would like help changing your perspective on the situation, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
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De-clutter Your Life: A Christian Perspective
For the past few weeks, I have taken a break from blogging. Why? I needed to take some time for spring cleaning. As many of you know, my husband and I are remodeling a 100 year old house. Whenever the house is finished, we will be downsizing tremendously. Unfortunately, downsizing also mean I need to de-clutter and clean out. Throughout this process, I have had to box up the essential items that we will be putting into our new home and selling or throwing out anything that is no longer needed. Before, I started this process, I always thought that I lived simply and never considered myself materialistic. However, the more I sort through cabinets and drawers, I am finding that I have still collected a ton of unnecessary things over the last decade and that I should have made it a point to de-clutter on a regular basis.
With all of the spring cleaning the past few weeks, I was reminded how our messy our lives can be when we forget to take time to de-clutter our lives and schedules and how “too much stuff” can be overwhelming to our mental and spiritual health. To find balance to your mental and spiritual health, here are 3 tips to de-clutter your life.
1. Get rid of the non-essentials:
Just like when you are spring cleaning, you have to start by sorting through the clutter and prioritize what needs to stay and what needs to go. Start this process by asking yourself the following questions.
“What feels like too much in my life today?”
“Do I have trouble getting rid of things I don’t use regularly “just in case” I need them later? Do these “just in case” items bless or burden me?”
“What is causing the most clutter in my life, possessions, over scheduling, or digital devices?”
“Does my stuff fit my space? Does it fit my needs and the needs of those who share my space? If not, what is one concrete step I can take this week toward eliminating physical clutter?
“What can I get rid of today to feel more peace?”
2. Stop putting your trust in stuff:
Matthew 6:19-21 states: “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (ESV).
Basically, this verse explains that our safety and security must not be rooted in material items because ultimately they do not last. Having the best stuff or most stuff does not make us better because those things have to always be replaced. Instead, this verse tells us to focus on our heavenly treasures by putting our focus on God and how we can live our life for him.
Remember, God doesn’t care for how many possessions we have and often chooses not to “bless” with an abundance of things; I don’t know about you, but my prayers to find $1,000,000 has never been answered! Instead He reminds us that possessions must never be our utmost concern, that our needs will be met and in return, he points us toward caring for others. The less stuff we have to manage, the more we can fulfill our purpose.
3. Take break from Technology:
Technology can be a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I love to easily be able to reach people all over the world within minutes and quickly ordering from Amazon is often much faster and easier than going to the store. However, social media addiction, looking at our phones instead of our family, web surfing time warps, and the instant gratification of likes and followers, can consume and clutter our lives. As a result, de-cluttering our lives often means de-cluttering our digital devices. I am not saying you have to get rid of your smartphones and tablets, but you may need to evaluate your time on your devices to see if it is causing your life to be cluttered.
Back in January, I made the decision to completely delete social media off of my phone and any non-essential apps. By doing so, I felt freer and even found myself with more free time in the evenings. I didn’t realize how much time I spent mindlessly scrolling through apps on my phone. By this simple task, I was able to free my soul and made space for my family, real friendships, and rest.
Ultimately, remember that clutter doesn’t have to be physical things. Work, family, housework, school, technology, and over committed calendars can lead to cluttered lives. This spring, take the opportunity to de-clutter your life through some spring cleaning. Little by little, you will learn what is truly essential in your life and will begin to let go of the non-essential “junk.” As a result, you will be able to reap the benefits of simplicity with calmer hearts, deeper relationships, and a joyful purpose.
If you want to de-clutter your life and need some help sorting through the essentials, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
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Tools to Help You Climb out of Hopelessness and Depression
In a previous blog, I compared times of depression and hopelessness to a difficult hike. It helps me to persevere through difficult times when I shift my mindset and look for the reward and growth opportunities, instead of focusing on the struggle and pain. Now, I wanted to expand on that concept and share some tools that can help overcome hopelessness and depression.
To take on any big hike, you need to train and prepare. However, no matter how hard you train, you will struggle with your hike if you forget to bring the proper gear. You need the proper shoes and clothing, sturdy poles, a backpack, food, and other practical tools to help you along your journey. Just like going on a hike, there are common practical tools that can help you through your journey of stress, hopelessness, and depression.
5 tools to help you with stress, hopelessness, and depression
1. Schedule time for relaxation.
Every good hiker will tell you make sure you take time to rest. When you push yourself to much on a hike, you can quickly burnout. The same is true when you are feeling stressed, hopeless or depressed. When you don’t take some time to truly relax and unwind in those moments, you can easily become tired and overwhelmed. To prevent this, schedule regular moments of relaxation; it can even be just 10 or 15 minutes. Try prayer or meditation time to help you feel more calm and centered. You can also listen to music, practice deep breathing, or even take a short nap.
2. Set Goals and Manage your time.
When it comes to hiking, you should take time to relax and enjoy your walk. However, too much relaxation can lead to a disaster. It is always suggested that when hiking you set goals and manage your time. Hikers map out their trails and set obtainable goals to get the best out of their hike. They want to make sure they make all the stops along the trail and camp at the best sites. To do that, they have to manage their time and set goals to make sure they stay on schedule.
Like rest, time management and goals also help prevent burnout. For example, if you spend all of your time taking it slow in the beginning of a hike, you end up pushing yourself too much at the end. This is true for our daily life as well. If we procrastinate or don’t manage our time properly, we push ourselves too much last minute; putting even more stress and worry on ourselves. When everything feels hopeless, try setting small goals and steps to achieve them; create a hope map or create a realistic ‘to do’ list and delegate appropriate responsibilities to yourself and household.
3. Create or make time for fun activities.
I love watching families with small children hike because I love to see the fun and creative ways parents will make the climb fun for their kids. Usually, they play an “I spy” game or collect fun things from nature to take home for crafts. One of my personal hobbies is photography and, for me, one the best reasons to go on a hike is to get great pictures of the scenery.
On top of that, stopping along the way to get pictures takes my mind off the tiredness. Just like in hiking, hobbies and other fun activities can take away the stress we are facing, they give us something to look forward to, and even take our mind off of our circumstances. Therefore, when you start to feel depressed or hopeless, take some time out for fun and your favorite hobby. You can also try journaling, playing a game, or spending time with your pets.
4. Make sure you are taking care of yourself.
If a pro-hiker were to give you advice for your big hike, they would probably tell you to get plenty of rest and eat healthy the day before and make sure you pack plenty of healthy high carb and protein snacks for your journey. Nothing is worse than a restless night and a heavy, fatty meal right before a big hike. That combination will do nothing but make you sluggish and slow on your hike. On top of that, not packing the right food for you hike can also ruin your energy levels and make it harder to continue the journey.
This can happen in your daily life as well. While, to me nothing is better than a good burger or ice cream, I know that if I ate that all the time, I would start to feel sluggish, tired, and unmotivated. In times of hopelessness, how we treat our bodies can have a great impact on how we feel. Therefore, when you are feeling down, practice self-care by eating balanced meals, getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, and getting at least seven hours of sleep each night.
5. Socialize
One of my favorite things about hiking is the people you would meet along the journey. Every hiker I have ever encountered has been friendly, helpful, and encouraging. Their support and kindness always seemed to push me to keep going. In life we need those kind words and encouragement from the people that we meet along the journey. If Covid-19 has taught us anything, it has taught us how isolation can bring on feelings of hopelessness and depression. We need to stay connected to our loved ones, even when we feel stressed or down. They build us up and help take our mind off of our troubles. In times of hopelessness, find ways to connect to others. Try having meaningful conversations with a friend, find fun activities to do with family or friends, go out for a meal with a loved one, or participate in spiritual activities with others.
At the end of the day, if you still feel like the mountain of depression and hopelessness is still too hard to climb, reach out to Anchored Hope Counseling today. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of their offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. Also, if you found this post to be helpful, remember to share it with others and subscribe for more insights and news each week.
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Shining a Light on the Broken Past
Thanks to the Goonies and Indiana Jones, my husband and I love to explore old abandoned places; anything from ancient ruins and castles to abandoned farm houses lost in woods of North Carolina. To us, if it is old, dirty, and a little dangerous, we are going in to explore it. To some, we seem adventurous and to many, we seem a little crazy…”Why would anyone risk their life just to walk through an old abandoned building?” those people tend to ask.
Usually, when people ask me that question I respond with a smile and say we are treasure hunters or that we should have been archeologists. However, lately (after watching many episodes of Expedition Unknown—thank you Discovery+), I have realized that there is more beauty in our hobby than I ever realized.
Lately, I have reminisced about the many times we crawled through dark, abandoned doorways, past spiders and other critters I try not to think about. Each time, we would pull out our flashlights and shine a light on the forgotten past of this once thriving structure. Usually, our goal is to look past the mess, slime and critters to uncover a treasure left behind or clues and a connection to a long-lost life.
Through my reminiscing, I was reminded about shame and how devastating it can be on our life. Shame is like the rust, dirt, or vines that can eat at on old building; causing it to slowly crumble away. We may try to bury it and abandon it, but usually the mess begins to rot the structure until it is so damaged that it is uninhabitable. As it begins to collapse or fall away, it becomes unrecognizable and the things that remained inside become lost.
As hard as we may try to bury our shame and keep it from the light, somehow it always seems to creep its way out of the cracks and the light exposes it. Other times, it stays hidden until someone who is too curious (or cares, however you want to look at it) trespasses into our lives and shines a bright flashlight directly on our shame, guilt, or sin.
Shining a light on shame is hard. You see the rot, the mess, and the destruction. The damage can be scary and even a little dangerous to those who discover it. However, if you persevere through the darkness, and shine light on all the corners, you may discover the connection to the past that you once lost and longed for. You may find the hidden treasure in the room or realize that what was in the dark isn’t as scary as you once thought. Hopefully, after time exploring in the light, you find that the healing power of the light is better than letting everything fall away in the darkness.
The great thing about explorers and archeologists, is that when they find an abandoned structure, they see beauty and want to reveal its history to the world. They clear away the mess and begin to rebuild the structure back to its former glory. Amazingly, they don’t just tear it down and start fresh. They use what is there and preserve it. They clean and fix it. They restore it and make it stronger. In the end, it is just as beautiful as it once was, stronger, and more cherished.
If you have a secret shame that has been destroying you from the inside out, I want to encourage you to seek the light, find your connection to the past, clear away the mess, and find healing and restoration. Please know that I understand that this process is hard, but there is good news, you don’t have to do it alone! At Anchored Hope Counseling, I can help you explore the shame, find the light you need, and help you restore yourself to what you always wanted to be.
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