“We Feel Like Roommates!”: Rebuilding Intimacy in Your Marriage
Life is full of adventure, fun, memories, and laughter when we first start dating our spouses. We spend countless hours getting to know the other person in an effort to establish a foundation for the future. A couple months/years of this intentional time together and we decide to settle down.
A man on a knee. A popped question. A ring on the second finger from the right.
A walk down the aisle. An exchanging of vows. A promise of a lifetime of love.
And then some wake up 2 – 5 – 7 – 12 years later feeling lost and disconnected.
A loss of intimacy over the years can be normal if a couple doesn’t take a proactive approach to relationship development. It becomes so easy to fall into the busyness, chaos, routine of everyday life. Of raising children. Working jobs. Of taking care of the house. Fulfilling the demands of daily life.
But when we wake up and all the sudden we are feeling like roommates with our spouse – we are really falling victim to making daily demands our idol and the distraction of Satan. We are no longer serving the covenant of marriage through Christ.
It is usually at this point that couples come knocking on my door.
And unfortunately it is usually the same complaints
- We need better communication
- We fight all the time
- Partner B emotionally cheated on Partner A
- Partner A feels like Partner B does nothing to contribute around the house
- Partner B never wants to have sex anymore
- We just feel so disconnected
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Let’s first talk about what leads to this breakdown of intimacy.
As seen from the list of complaints shared above there are a lot of things that can cause us to walk away from that love and connection we had on our wedding day. While there are many more personal and unique experiences that can be brought forward, below are some of the more common.
- Communication
When in conflict or when discussing hard conversations, misunderstanding and failure to gain perspective on your spouse’s opinion can lead to breakdown. Emotional distance grows when partners feel unheard or misunderstood in their feelings and observations.
- Time Management
Busyness is the thief of joy. When we do not prioritize our marriage as the second most important thing in our lives we lose each other to distraction and excuse.
- Conflicting Language
In the whirlwind of the dating phase, we tend to compromise our needs and wants. When the regularity of life sets in, those needs and wants return. Because our spouses got to know us when we weren’t expressing those needs or when they were more willing to step out of their own character and do things they normally wouldn’t, we end up feeling starved.
- Resentment
When we do not forgive our partners for the things that they do, resentment builds. We become jaded when they do not help us appropriately around the house or when they do that thing that we hate. We allow the negative feelings to seep in and overtake the love that we have for them.
Now let’s talk about how we rebuild.
First we have to start with knowing what practices combat the common breakdowns in intimacy.
- Communication
Set aside time for personal and meaningful conversation when emotions are not high. Talk about your feelings, fears, dreams, and thoughts. Listen to only understand and not to combat.
- Time Management
Make date nights important. Couples should be dating each other every 7-10 days. And dates DO NOT have to cost money. Sitting on the porch, sipping a glass of wine, and sharing quality time is just as beneficial as a night out on the town.
- Conflicting Language
Talk about your needs and wants with your partner. Explain what language you speak and come to a collaborative space where you both agree to speak a language in the middle that is sustainable. Explore love languages, conflict styles, and attachment styles to help articulate what some of those needs may be. Break down needs into daily needs (ex. More affection in the form of hugs, help with chores), monthly needs (ex. Date nights, more emotional conversations), omnipresent needs (ex. Transparency)
- Resentment
Share your perspective and hurt with your partner – and not when you are emotional. When you have had time to process your feelings and why certain things irritate you or hurt you – share them. We cannot truly let go and move forward without processing and sharing with our partners.
Once we start focusing on counteracting our breakdown, we then have to focus on rebuilding the individual areas of intimacy. To do so we have to understand the multiple types of intimacy that make a marriage.
- Recreational: the quality time you spend with your spouse to include hobbies and shared activities
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun” Ecclesiastes 9:9
- Physical: all forms of physical closeness to include sex
“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love” Proverbs 5:18-19
- Intellectual: sharing ponderings and wondering of the mind
- Spiritual: cultivating practices and sharing thoughts/understandings around shared faith
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
- Emotional: sharing how you feel about situations and being vulnerable in your feelings
“Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way” 1 Peter 3:7
Some examples to rebuild are:
- Recreational
- Identify common hobbies and interests and go experiencing them together
- Try new places and experiences together – force yourselves to rely on each other
- Make date nights a regular occurrence (remember 7-10 days on average is the best practice)
- Travel together (weekend trips every 3-4 months and 7 day vacations every 1-2 years is best practice)
- Physical
- Show affection in public and private spaces
- Cuddle
- Talk about your needs and desires in the bedroom
- Learn your spouse and what pleases them
- Prioritize sex amongst the chaos
- Intellectual
- Discuss faith based topics
- Debate (civilly) over unshared values/beliefs
- Discuss opinions on things happening in the world around you
- Spiritual
- Apply biblical wisdom in your marriage
- Pray together
- Worship
- Engage in bible study together
- Emotional
- Share your feelings
- Be vulnerable
- Help your partner understand your perspective or things from your past that make you react a certain way
- Listen with intention when your spouse shares with you
With all of this in mind, you can rest assured in the faith that your marriage can feel like a deep connection again. There is faith that all the things that break us down over the years can be rebuilt again.
And if you are newly married or dating – or even if you are on the other side of rebuilding intimacy – use this information to be more proactive about your marriage. Get ahead of the worldly things that tear us down and root your marriage for eternity.
If you are struggling with intimacy in your marriage, turn to turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
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Swiping Left: How to Weed Out the Nominal Christians
Let me be honest from the beginning – you can’t really weed out the Nominal Christians by their Hinge bio alone.
These apps are inherently meant to connect us with someone based off of initial attraction and vaguely undefined values and intentions. You see a handsome man on Bumble who states to be a conservative, Christian, day trader. These descriptors don’t actually mean he is politically conservative, a true believer, or an expert crypto buyer. It just means that when scanning a list of pre-selected options, they seemed to be the best option in conveying how he perceives himself or what his “dream” women would want in a man.
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” Matthew 23:27
The ability to weed through the masses for the type of man you are looking for starts and ends with understanding the difference in heart posture. We all know how to identify a secularist – but understanding the difference between a nominal (in name) Christian and a true believer is paramount.
The nominal Christian – when we ask them if they are a Christian they say things like:
- “I grew up Baptist.”
- “I go to church on Sundays.”
- “I believe in God and Jesus.”
But wait – that sounds like a Believer!
You’re right – a believer would connect with those same sentiments. But when a believer is asked if they are Christian they reply with:
- “I value my relationship with the Lord.”
- “I surrender to God in exchange for self.”
- “I wrestle with my sins and am blessed for the mercy of our savior.”
Nominal Christians know the right things to “do”, maybe even to “say”. But nominal Christians don’t know what it means to have true heart posture and relationship with the Lord.
Dating – and marrying – a nominal Christian can be detrimental.
Research shows that nominal Christian husbands (even more than secularists!)
- Spend the least amount of time with their children
- Have the highest divorce rates
- Have the highest rates of domestic abuse
That’s scary when you think about it – that someone claiming to be a Christian would be the antithesis of Believer husbands who research shows have:
- The highest happiness rates
- The lowest instances of divorce
- The lowest incidences of abuse
- Spending 3.5x times more time with their children
So why the discrepancy?
The most obvious reason is their lack of submission and obedience to the Lord. The lack of intentional relationship with Christ. Without a true connection to our creator, a nominal Christian is only rooted in legalistic rules and concepts.
And topping the list of warped understanding? The concept of head of household and the submissive wife.
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
Misunderstanding of this verse lies in the definition of submit. The Greek word used in this passage of Ephesans is hupotasso – English translation “submit”. However, the word in Greek is defined as the demonstration of trust and obedience while humbly serving in mind and action. If we look at the English definition of submit – most of us stop at the “yielding to authority”. Rarely do we look at the English definition alternative of “presenting knowledge for consideration.”
When we compares the multiple English definitions of submit to the Greek word used in scripture we find that the submission of a wife means to:
- Respect our husband and his decisions
- Follow where husband leads
- Share burdens/thoughts/fears with husband
- Offer our best insight and information for consideration
- Hold our husband accountable
This is so different from the picture of 1950s housewife submission that so many have emblazoned in their mind. Specifically these nominal Christians.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27
Further distorted is the idea of the man as head of the household. If our conceptualization of submission is that of our wife doing any and everything that we tell them to – our conceptualization of “leading” the home would be rooted in being “in charge” at all times. It would mean that when the woman steps out of line, she should be held accountable. So many nominal Christians that adhere to this thought pattern use their definitions of submission and head of household to religiously justify their abuse, cheating, or poor behavior.
Scripturally however, headship does not mean being a dictator who is always right – it means:
- You go first before your family
- You initiate
- You act in a way that is worthy of emulating
- Authority and responsibility of the common good of the family
- Lead with ministry and family mission in mind
- Bear the family burdens
Having the knowledge of the heart difference between a believer and nominal Christian is paramount to your dating endeavors. Knowing how to weed through the men who claim to share the faith and those that are in relationship with the Lord will change the trajectory of your relationship.
And remember: Ephesians says for wives to submit to their husbands not for girlfriends to submit to their boyfriends.
Once you have swiped right on the cute Christian boy – keep these concepts handy. Use them to discern and identify if this person is the right person for you to date intentionally.
If you are weeding through the men and need help in the process of intentionally dating, turn to turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
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‘Tis The Season: Christmas Activities for Family Fun Around CLT
By Meghan Ray
The weather is chilling. Dreams for a white Christmas are in the air. Trees are going up and lights are being strung. 50% off is music to the ears.
There is also a promise of our savior being born.
Research shows that the Christmas season can be one of the most stressful due to the expectations of hosting, pressure for perfect gift buying, family tension, and the overall unrealistic view of perfection that commercialization has had on all of us. Therefore there is no better time than the present to remember the reason for the season and invest in spending time with the ones you love.
“For a child has been born for us; a son has been given to us. And the dominion will be on his shoulder, and his name is called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6
We have compiled a list of Christmas activities going on around Charlotte. Our hope for you is that you forget about the looming expectations and possible stress. Instead focus on rejoicing in the opportunity to share time with the ones you love in celebration of the gift of family the Lord has provided.
Christmas Shows Coming to Town
- Nutcracker by the Charlotte Ballet
- When: Dec. 6-22
- Where: Belk Theatre
- Tickets: https://charlotteballet.org/nutcracker-2024/
- The Best Christmas Pageant Ever: A Musical
- When: Nov. 22- Dec. 22
- Where: Children’s Theatre of Charlotte
- Tickets: https://ctcharlotte.org/Online/default.asp
- Holiday Pops by Charlotte Symphony
- When: Dec. 7
- Where: Knight Theatre
- Tickets: https://www.charlottesymphony.org/events/5CBCC95D-B8F5-4257-9CB2-36D8DDB21720
- Twas the Night Before… By Cirque de Soleil
- When: Dec. 20 – Jan. 4
- Where: Ovens Auditorium
- Tickets: https://www.boplex.com/events/twas-the-night-before-by-cirque-du-soleil
Winter Wonderland Fun
- Polar Express Train Ride
- When: Dec. 1, 6-8, 12-23
- Where: North Carolina Transportation Museum
- Tickets: https://www.nctransportationmuseum.org/the-polar-express-train-ride/
- Winterfest
- When: Select nights between Nov. 15 and Jan. 4
- Where: Carowinds
- Tickets: https://www.carowinds.com/events/winterfest
- Camp North Pole
- When: Nov. 22 – Jan. 5
- Where: Ford Factory at Camp North End
- Tickets: https://camp.nc/iceskating/
- Skating at the White Water Center
- When: Dec. 2 – 31
- Where: White Water Center
- Tickets: https://center.whitewater.org/activity/ice-skating/
- Christmas at the Library
- When: Dec. 2 – 23
- Where: Billy Graham Center
- Tickets: https://billygrahamlibrary.org/christmas-at-the-library/
Twinkling Holiday Lights
- Charlotte Speedway
- When: Nov. 22 – Jan. 5
- Where: Charlotte Motor Speedway
- Tickets: https://www.charlottemotorspeedway.com/events/speedway-christmas/
- Light the Knights
- When: Nov. 27 – Jan. 3
- Where: Knights Stadium
- Tickets: https://www.milb.com/charlotte-knights/ballpark/christmas
- Holidays at the Garden
- When: Nov. 29 – Dec. 29
- Where: Stowe Botanical Gardens
- Tickets: https://dsbg.org/visit/holidays-at-the-garden/
- Carolina Light Spectacular
- When: Dec. 5 – 29
- Where: Ballantyne Backyard
- Tickets: https://ncholidaylights.com/
If you or family are dealing with relational difficulties this Holiday Season and need help navigating unknown waters, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
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Join Our Team!
We are hiring NC Licensed Therapists/Counselors
Join our team and be a part of what the Lord is doing at Anchored Hope Counseling! Anchored Hope Counseling, PLLC is expanding our practice located in Kannapolis, NC. Serving individuals ( of all ages), couples, and families, we are seeking a part-time or full-time contractor therapist (for virtual and in-person) with experience and specialty in any of the following areas: children, adolescents, adults, couples, or trauma. This position offers great flexibility of hours!
Join us for a work experience that is life-giving as you serve alongside a professional staff who are passionate about Jesus, people, and Christian mental health care. At Anchored Hope Counseling, we desire our work to have eternal significance and influence.
Specific responsibilities include:
- Provide expert care to each client showing compassion in all encounters.
- Respond to all potential and existing clients promptly; conduct complimentary 15-minute phone consultations to determine client needs.
- Conduct thorough intake assessment, develop and update treatment plans. · Document case sessions and other communications promptly in the EHR system
- Maintain professional conduct within the community and on social media.
- Maintain ethical standards defined by the American Counseling Association and the American Association of Christian Counselors.
- Maintain licensing in good standing
Qualifications:
- Applicants must be fully or provisionally licensed in the state of North Carolina, and have experience providing counseling to children, teens, couples and individuals.
- Must have desire/experience integrating Christian counseling in alignment with organization values.
- Experience working with children and couples desired but not necessary
- If needed, on-site supervision is provided for LCMHCAs.
Please, send your resume and cover letter to Stevi Reed, LCMHC, QS, NCC at stevi@anchored-hope.com
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Sparking Intimacy for Couples
Date Night Ideas in CLT
February 1, 2024 by Meghan Ray
As Valentine’s Day approaches, there is no better time to go out on a date night. Expert’s say that couples, no matter the stage of their relationship, should date at least every 10-14 days. Take a look at this list of ideas for all budgets to see how you can rekindle the intimacy or spice up the routine!
Low Budget Couples
- Get Outdoors: Pack a lunch or afternoon snack and explore the great outdoors!
- Location: Crowder’s Mountain in Kings Mountain, NC
- Cost: Free!
- Location: UNC Charlotte Botanical Gardens in Charlotte, NC
- Cost: Free!
- See Whose More Competitive: Head on up to Concord and play classic board games with your date! Food and drink is available for purchase at their attached cafe.
- Location: Luck Factory Games in Concord, NC
- Cost: $8-10 per person
- Website: https://luckfactorygames.com/about/3-steps-to-get-your-game-on/
- Take a Swing at Something New: Whether you call it putt putt or mini golf – take a night to see who can stay closest to par at this adults only indoor course.
- Location: Puttary in Charlotte, NC
- Cost: $22 per person
- Website: https://www.puttery.com/locations/charlotte/
Medium Budget Couples
- What’s Duck Pin Bowling?!: Take on this spin of classic bowling and see who comes out on top! When you are done check out their variety of board games while you sip one of their self pour brews. Food served onsite.
- Location: Pinhouse in Charlotte, NC
- Cost: $20 per hour
- Website: https://pinhouseclt.com/
- Become a Chemist: Spend some quality couples time mixing together your own personal scent while you make your own candles.
- Location: Paddywax in Charlotte, NC
- Cost: $45 per person
- Website: https://thecandlebar.co/products/candle-pouring-charlotte
- Show Some Charlotte Spirit: Put on your red and black and head down to a Charlotte Checkers game at Bojangles Coliseum.
- Location: Bojangles Coliseum in Charlotte, NC
- Cost: $25-$55 per person
- Dates of Home Games: 2/2, 2/3, 2/17, 2/18, 2/24, & 2/25
- Website: https://charlottecheckers.com/schedule/schedule
- Raffaldini Vineyard Wine Tour: Step into Tuscany for the day when you take a tour and wine tasting at Charlotte’s local winery.
- Location: Raffaldini Vineyard in Ronda, NC
- Cost: $30 per person
- Website: https://www.raffaldini.com/Visit/Information
High End Budget Couples
- Skate and Date: Spend your Valentine’s Day with a little physical activity followed by a 3 course tasting menu. Vegan and Gluten free options available!
- Location: US White Water Center in Charlotte, NC
- Cost: $65 per person
- Date of Interest: February 14
- Website: https://center.whitewater.org/dining/skate-and-date/
- Spice Things Up in the Kitchen: Want to learn some new cooking or baking skills? Fling some batter at your love while you whisk up a variety of new recipes!
- Location: Chef Alyssa’s Kitchen in Charlotte, NC
- Cost: $75-$85 per person
- Variety of classes offered all month long!
- Website: https://chefalyssaskitchen.com/classes/
- Travel to a Galaxy Far Far Away: For all the Star Trek and Star Wars couples out there this one’s for you! A four course food and spirit tasting menu at one of Charlotte’s most exclusive speakeasy. Tickets only available by reservation Thursday – Sunday.
- Location: Supperland Speakeasy in Charlotte, NC
- Cost: $160
- Dates of Interest: February 1 – March 16
- Website: https://supper.land/supperland-speakeasy/
Experiencing some relationship or marital difficulty? Need someone to help rekindle the flame? If so, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
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Shining a Light on the Broken Past
Thanks to the Goonies and Indiana Jones, my husband and I love to explore old abandoned places; anything from ancient ruins and castles to abandoned farm houses lost in woods of North Carolina. To us, if it is old, dirty, and a little dangerous, we are going in to explore it. To some, we seem adventurous and to many, we seem a little crazy…”Why would anyone risk their life just to walk through an old abandoned building?” those people tend to ask.
Usually, when people ask me that question I respond with a smile and say we are treasure hunters or that we should have been archeologists. However, lately (after watching many episodes of Expedition Unknown—thank you Discovery+), I have realized that there is more beauty in our hobby than I ever realized.
Lately, I have reminisced about the many times we crawled through dark, abandoned doorways, past spiders and other critters I try not to think about. Each time, we would pull out our flashlights and shine a light on the forgotten past of this once thriving structure. Usually, our goal is to look past the mess, slime and critters to uncover a treasure left behind or clues and a connection to a long-lost life.
Through my reminiscing, I was reminded about shame and how devastating it can be on our life. Shame is like the rust, dirt, or vines that can eat at on old building; causing it to slowly crumble away. We may try to bury it and abandon it, but usually the mess begins to rot the structure until it is so damaged that it is uninhabitable. As it begins to collapse or fall away, it becomes unrecognizable and the things that remained inside become lost.
As hard as we may try to bury our shame and keep it from the light, somehow it always seems to creep its way out of the cracks and the light exposes it. Other times, it stays hidden until someone who is too curious (or cares, however you want to look at it) trespasses into our lives and shines a bright flashlight directly on our shame, guilt, or sin.
Shining a light on shame is hard. You see the rot, the mess, and the destruction. The damage can be scary and even a little dangerous to those who discover it. However, if you persevere through the darkness, and shine light on all the corners, you may discover the connection to the past that you once lost and longed for. You may find the hidden treasure in the room or realize that what was in the dark isn’t as scary as you once thought. Hopefully, after time exploring in the light, you find that the healing power of the light is better than letting everything fall away in the darkness.
The great thing about explorers and archeologists, is that when they find an abandoned structure, they see beauty and want to reveal its history to the world. They clear away the mess and begin to rebuild the structure back to its former glory. Amazingly, they don’t just tear it down and start fresh. They use what is there and preserve it. They clean and fix it. They restore it and make it stronger. In the end, it is just as beautiful as it once was, stronger, and more cherished.
If you have a secret shame that has been destroying you from the inside out, I want to encourage you to seek the light, find your connection to the past, clear away the mess, and find healing and restoration. Please know that I understand that this process is hard, but there is good news, you don’t have to do it alone! At Anchored Hope Counseling, I can help you explore the shame, find the light you need, and help you restore yourself to what you always wanted to be.
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The Importance of Gratitude for a Hope-Filled Marriage
Do you feel like your home is full of constant nagging? Do you work hard but you feel your spouse doesn’t appreciate you or acknowledge anything you do for the relationship? Do you just feel alone in your marriage and your spouse doesn’t seem to want to make any effort? Maybe you feel that there is just no more hope left for the two of you.
As we get comfortable in our relationships and establish a routine, it is common for couples to start taking each other for granted. Often, it is the small gestures of daily life that maintains a connection between a couple. If your acts of kindness each day are looked at as “duties” and become expected, then your relationship will start to suffer.
However, there is hope! Expressing gratitude to your spouse can lead to a longer lasting and more committed relationship. Gratitude demonstrates your appreciation for your partner and fulfills their need to be needed. By accomplishing this, gratitude generates more connectedness, happiness, and satisfaction for both of you. Often, when you show gratitude toward your spouse, you also increase the chances that they will act warm and loving toward you. Furthermore, when you feel grateful for your partner, you are more likely to increase your loving behaviors toward them and to value your relationship.
It is important to remember that you need to show gratitude by appreciating who your spouse is as a person, not just for what they do. For example, you can be grateful that your spouse took your kids to school and packed their lunch—and appreciate their thoughtfulness in noticing how busy you were. Ultimately, when you become more aware of the positive things your spouse does, you will naturally increase your gratitude for them.
3 ways you can increase gratitude (and hope) in your marriage:
•Show your spouse that you are thinking of them: a text, a short email, or a handwritten note.
•Compliment your partner for a trait that you appreciate and find attractive, lovable, or admirable.
•Do something thoughtful and unexpected for your spouse. Don’t wait for your anniversary or until your spouse does something first. Find a genuine way to do something special. It can be as small as breaking the routine by taking on a chore or task that is usually your partner’s responsibility.
Note: If you still feel that there is just no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship through gratitude, reach out to Anchored Hope Counseling today. At Anchored Hope, I can help you restore gratitude in your relationship and rebuild your marriage through personalized techniques.
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Looking for a Treasure When You Feel Defeated
For over a year now, my husband and I have been working on completely refurbishing a 100 year old mill house. We have been doing most of the work ourselves and expected the project to be done within 8 months. However, the process has been much longer than we expected and there are days when we want to give up in defeat.
The moments of “what did we get ourselves into” started early in the process and almost every day it felt like we will never get to move into our new home. Each time we walk in, the feeling of being overwhelmed and defeated would crash into us.
To keep from losing our sanity and giving up, we had to develop a strategy to fight discouragement and defeat. This strategy came into play during the first weeks of the remodel process…”demo day” (which was not as fun as Chip Gaines makes it seem since it really lasted more than a week).
For us, Labor day weekend 2019 was spent in a 100 year old abandoned house, tearing down walls, ceilings, and ripping up pea green shag carpet in 100 degree heat. Covered in dust, soot, and sweat, I said to my husband, “It would be amazing if we found a treasure in the wall. It would make all of this worth it.” Just then, as I pulled the drywall down, I found a tiny wood cross in between the 100 year old beams. While to some this would be worthless, it was a reminder to me as a Christian of the greatest treasure I will ever receive–God’s love and grace.
With that tiny cross, God reminded me that His love can help me overcome any obstacle I may face. With that reminder, that tiny cross gave me a restored hope and the ability to keep moving forward. As I looked at that little cross in my hand, I realized that if all we see is what is against us, then we will remain in a prison of discouragement and defeat. However, when we seek the treasure hidden in our suffering, we break free from defeat and can find hope in a better tomorrow
So now, whenever I feel discouraged, weary, or overwhelmed, I try to remember the cross, my personal anchor of hope.
If you are in a storm of defeat, I want to challenge you to look for the small treasure in the storm; something positive to anchor your hope to. By doing that, you may find the strength you need to carry on.
.
Here is my treasure, the little white cross found in the mess of defeat.
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Welcome
Welcome to the Anchored Hope Counseling! Life can be full of joy, but sometimes we still experience pain, suffering, and hardship. It is during this trials of hardships that people seek help, advice, or something to anchor their hope to. I started Anchored Hope Counseling because I know how counseling can help during the storms of life and can be the anchor of hope that so many people need.
However, talking to someone about your feelings and problems can be challenging. Many people fear that they will be judged, don’t truly understand how counseling works, and believe that counseling is just for “crazy” people–and they definitely do not want to be labeled as crazy! My goal with this blog is to explain how counseling works, how it helps, and give tips and advice on mental health. Hopefully, by the end of the day, the stigma of counseling will start to disappear and when someone is looking for hope, they will not let the fear of change or counseling keep them from finding the help and hope that they need.
For the first post, I want to explain what counseling is and what it looks like for me. To me, counseling is a powerful asset to help you navigate difficult situations and hardships in order to reach healing and growth. The best part is, you do not have to walk through it alone. I can help you to understand your situation, cope and move through productively. Counseling provides a therapeutic relationship where you can explore issues, find ways to remove obstacles, and make healthy decisions that can lead towards personal growth and healing. It provides you with an opportunity to learn new ways of thinking and behaving that help restore balance in your life. The ultimate goal of counseling is to provide the platform to grow physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
My personal counseling philosophy is summarized in the name “Anchored Hope.” Ultimately, I believe the name Anchored Hope is reflection of what I want to convey to clients and the community, and that is HOPE. The name Anchored Hope was inspired by the following scripture:
Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters into that within the veil; Hebrews 6:19
This verse teaches that our hope for healing can be steadfast and anchors us. With this type of hope, we may not always see how the healing will come, but we know that it will come through our eyes of faith. To me, counseling is a way to direct people to hope so that they can experience joy and wholeness.
Thank you for taking the time to learn about Anchored Hope. I consider it a sincere privilege and honor that you have taken the time to read my blog. Check back every now and then for new content to get updates.
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