Swiping Left: How to Weed Out the Nominal Christians
Let me be honest from the beginning – you can’t really weed out the Nominal Christians by their Hinge bio alone.
These apps are inherently meant to connect us with someone based off of initial attraction and vaguely undefined values and intentions. You see a handsome man on Bumble who states to be a conservative, Christian, day trader. These descriptors don’t actually mean he is politically conservative, a true believer, or an expert crypto buyer. It just means that when scanning a list of pre-selected options, they seemed to be the best option in conveying how he perceives himself or what his “dream” women would want in a man.
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.” Matthew 23:27
The ability to weed through the masses for the type of man you are looking for starts and ends with understanding the difference in heart posture. We all know how to identify a secularist – but understanding the difference between a nominal (in name) Christian and a true believer is paramount.
The nominal Christian – when we ask them if they are a Christian they say things like:
- “I grew up Baptist.”
- “I go to church on Sundays.”
- “I believe in God and Jesus.”
But wait – that sounds like a Believer!
You’re right – a believer would connect with those same sentiments. But when a believer is asked if they are Christian they reply with:
- “I value my relationship with the Lord.”
- “I surrender to God in exchange for self.”
- “I wrestle with my sins and am blessed for the mercy of our savior.”
Nominal Christians know the right things to “do”, maybe even to “say”. But nominal Christians don’t know what it means to have true heart posture and relationship with the Lord.
Dating – and marrying – a nominal Christian can be detrimental.
Research shows that nominal Christian husbands (even more than secularists!)
- Spend the least amount of time with their children
- Have the highest divorce rates
- Have the highest rates of domestic abuse
That’s scary when you think about it – that someone claiming to be a Christian would be the antithesis of Believer husbands who research shows have:
- The highest happiness rates
- The lowest instances of divorce
- The lowest incidences of abuse
- Spending 3.5x times more time with their children
So why the discrepancy?
The most obvious reason is their lack of submission and obedience to the Lord. The lack of intentional relationship with Christ. Without a true connection to our creator, a nominal Christian is only rooted in legalistic rules and concepts.
And topping the list of warped understanding? The concept of head of household and the submissive wife.
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24
Misunderstanding of this verse lies in the definition of submit. The Greek word used in this passage of Ephesans is hupotasso – English translation “submit”. However, the word in Greek is defined as the demonstration of trust and obedience while humbly serving in mind and action. If we look at the English definition of submit – most of us stop at the “yielding to authority”. Rarely do we look at the English definition alternative of “presenting knowledge for consideration.”
When we compares the multiple English definitions of submit to the Greek word used in scripture we find that the submission of a wife means to:
- Respect our husband and his decisions
- Follow where husband leads
- Share burdens/thoughts/fears with husband
- Offer our best insight and information for consideration
- Hold our husband accountable
This is so different from the picture of 1950s housewife submission that so many have emblazoned in their mind. Specifically these nominal Christians.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27
Further distorted is the idea of the man as head of the household. If our conceptualization of submission is that of our wife doing any and everything that we tell them to – our conceptualization of “leading” the home would be rooted in being “in charge” at all times. It would mean that when the woman steps out of line, she should be held accountable. So many nominal Christians that adhere to this thought pattern use their definitions of submission and head of household to religiously justify their abuse, cheating, or poor behavior.
Scripturally however, headship does not mean being a dictator who is always right – it means:
- You go first before your family
- You initiate
- You act in a way that is worthy of emulating
- Authority and responsibility of the common good of the family
- Lead with ministry and family mission in mind
- Bear the family burdens
Having the knowledge of the heart difference between a believer and nominal Christian is paramount to your dating endeavors. Knowing how to weed through the men who claim to share the faith and those that are in relationship with the Lord will change the trajectory of your relationship.
And remember: Ephesians says for wives to submit to their husbands not for girlfriends to submit to their boyfriends.
Once you have swiped right on the cute Christian boy – keep these concepts handy. Use them to discern and identify if this person is the right person for you to date intentionally.
If you are weeding through the men and need help in the process of intentionally dating, turn to turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
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