Turning on the Light
How to find hope in Dark Times: My Personal Account
At the beginning of October, Meghan wrote a blog about the devastation that Western North Carolina had experienced and how we should Anchor our Hope in Christ. It was a great post, and I wanted to expand on it, giving my personal account.
While I don’t live there, a part of my heart belongs to the North Carolina Mountains. Some of my fondest memories happened in the western part of North Carolina; including my engagement and wedding. Like many others, I cried when I saw the pictures and videos of the devastation and loss that occurred with Helene. I grieved the loss of hundreds of lives, beautiful communities, homes, and landscapes.
Then I saw an update from our friends at Brown Mountain Beach Resort, the place where I was married, my favorite spot in the North Carolina mountains. The video started with “we are not ok…” and my friend, battered and shaken explaining the devastation and loss he had just experienced. They almost lost their lives. They lost all of their possessions and home had to be gutted due to the 25 inches of rain and mud that filled it. Their business, a beautiful wedding venue was devastated. Their parent’s home had washed off its foundation. My heart broke as I watched and waited for more updates.
As I grieved, all I could think about was, how can I help? Questions filled my mind as I tried to make plans and answer the call to help. What can I do? I am at least 7 hours away. All roads are closed. They said to stay away. Stores are selling out of supplies. I have a toddler. I can’t help the way that I used to because it is difficult to serve while you chase a toddler around. Plus, it could be dangerous, and we can’t just sleep in a car or in a tent with our little girl.
My husband and I wanted to help as many as we could if we were going to make the journey up to the mountains. So, we spent about a week reaching out to friends and churches, gathering supplies and deciding the first place we needed to help was our friends. Our friends have 3 adopted children that live at home. We wanted to help them and bring them something special. Their oldest daughter is a big Harry Potter fan, so I ordered a shirt for her. The quote on the shirt said this:
"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light" -- Albus Dumbledore
As I looked at that shirt, I thought about that quote and if a 13-year-old girl who had just experienced tremendous darkness would be able to “find the light.” I thought, is there light in this darkness? Can someone find peace and hope in the disaster? If so, where is the light?
I prayed about these questions as my family and I headed into the mountains, not knowing what to expect. We weren’t sure if we could make it to our friends with all of the roads closed. We weren’t sure where we would sleep. We didn’t know if we could find enough gasoline to get back home; or if we could help or just be in the way. We were afraid that our daughter could handle the trip and we we questioned if we could be gone for more than just a few days. However, followed our hearts and took a chance.
On this journey, we saw the incredible of love and community. We saw strangers helping each other and sacrificing for their neighbors. We saw incredible resilience and an abundance of Grace. Through all of this, our anxieties were worked out. We had a comfortable place to sleep. Our daughter has thrived and loved being in the place as much as we do. We got the chance to hug our friends, cry with them, pray with them, and help them rebuild. We stayed for more than just a few days and were with them for almost 2 weeks. In our experience, we found and “turned on the light.”
So what is the light?
Jesus is the Light!
“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12 ESV)
With every story of survival from this storm, you hear of hope, grace, and God’s mercy. There are testimonies of protection. There are stories of faith and hope; of people trusting that God will continue to be with them as they rebuild their lives. Cling to these stories and seek to find Jesus in your trial. As you do this, you will be filled with the light of Jesus and can face any storm with peace. If you are struggling to find Jesus in your storm, check out this blog written by Gordon Dasher; it is a great personal testimony from someone from western North Carolina.
My Christian brothers and sisters, YOU are the light!
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.” (Matthew 5:14 NIV)
Brothers and Sisters in Christ, if we want to see light in the darkest hour, WE must turn it on. We are the hands and feet of Jesus. We are filled with the Holy Spirit. It is our responsibility to help those in need, to show the light to the world. We were blessed to witness the love of Jesus through the service of others during our time in the mountains. However, it doesn’t need to stop now that the devastation is not shown daily in the news.
The road to recovery will be long and difficult. The need will continue for months for some, and years for others. And for those who lost loved ones in the tragedy, grief could be experienced for their entire lifetime. We need to come together and continue to show love to those in need daily. There are many resources on how you can help others during this difficult time. For some of those resources, please check out Meghan’s previous blog here.
At Anchored Hope Counseling, we want to also offer our help to anyone who was affected by Helene. If you or someone you know is struggling with the impacts of Hurricane Helene or any other season of suffering, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights. You can also find us on Facebook and Instagram.
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Mental Health Reads For All The Book Lovers
A List of Fiction, Non-Fiction and Memoir Books About Mental Health
January 19, 2024 by Meghan Ray
As the weather gets colder and the winter blues kick in, it’s the perfect time of year to curl up on the couch with a blanket and great book. Reading is proven to lower stress levels, build empathy and resilience, increase perspective taking, improve mental health and broaden emotional intelligence. Below is a recommended reading list that covers non fiction self help, fiction novels with intuitive mental health representation, and memoirs written by authors who have struggled with an array of mental health disorders either themselves or within their family of origin. It is my hope that as you read any of these titles below, you gain an appreciation for mental health topics while also working on your own mental health through the inherent process of reading.
Non-Fiction/Self Help
Find Your People: Finding Deep Community in a Lonely World – Jennie Allen
- Christian author, Jennie Allen, explores the inherently lonely world we live in and discusses her vulnerable journey to finding community in a new town. She explores the type of christian relationships each woman should find in her life in order to enhance their lives and find the full wonder of christian community.
Good Enough: 40ish Devotionals for a Life of Imperfection – Kate Bowler
- Kate Bowler offers faith explorations on how we can make sense of life. This is a great book for when you want to start living your best life. Good Enough gives permission for all those who need to hear that there are some things you can fix—and some things you can’t.
- EXTRA: If you are interested in meeting this author she will be in Greensboro, NC on January 24th and Charlotte, NC on January 29th!
Love Does: Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World – Bob Goff
- Christian author Bob Goff tells his own story where each day turns into a hilarious, whimsical, meaningful chance that makes faith simple and real. Bob draws on his own life story to inspire us all to be more secretly incredible.
Out of the Cave: Stepping into the Light when Depression Darkens What You See – Chris Hodges
- Pastor Chris Hodges uses Elijah’s life to show us that everyone is susceptible to depression. Even when we’re walking closely with God, we can still stumble and get lost in the wilderness of tangled emotions. Out of the Cave helps us remove the stigma of depression and realize we’re not alone.
You’re Going to Be OK: 16 Lessons on Healing after Trauma – Madeline Popelka
- Madeline Popelka is a trauma survivor who knows first-hand how some survivors can feel like they’ve lost themselves to trauma. It might even seem impossible to find the upside of a devastating experience. After Madeline was diagnosed with PTSD and began to heal, she felt a need to create a space where other trauma survivors wouldn’t feel so isolated.
Fiction w/ Mental Health Representation
Please note that each of these books contains very heavy and possibly triggering content. Please note the content topics and proceed reading with caution and sensitivity.
The Woman in the Window – AJ Finn (Agoraphobia/Murder Thriller)
- Anna Fox lives alone, a recluse in her New York City home, unable to venture outside. But when Anna, gazing out her window one night, sees something she shouldn’t, her world begins to crumble. What is real? What is imagined? Who is in danger? Who is in control? In this diabolically gripping thriller, no one—and nothing—is what it seems.
All the Ugly and Wonderful Things – Bryn Greenwood (Extreme Childhood Trauma/Inappropriate Child-Adult Relationships)
- A beautiful and provocative love story between two unlikely people and the hard-won relationship that elevates them above the meth lab backdrop of their lives. As the daughter of a drug dealer, Wavy knows not to trust people, not even her own parents. Struggling to raise her little brother, Donal, eight-year-old Wavy is the only responsible adult around. Obsessed with the constellations, she finds peace in the starry night sky, until one night her stargazing causes an accident. After witnessing his motorcycle wreck, she forms an unusual friendship with one of her father’s thugs, Kellen, a tattooed ex-con with a heart of gold.
All the Bright Places – Jennifer Niven (Depression/Suicidal Ideation/Survivors Guilt)
- Theodore Finch is fascinated by death, and he constantly thinks of ways he might kill himself. But each time, something good, no matter how small, stops him. Violet Markey lives for the future, counting the days until graduation, when she can escape her Indiana town. When Finch and Violet meet on the ledge of the bell tower at school, it’s unclear who saves whom.
The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath (Depression/Suicidal Ideation/Bipolar II)
- The Bell Jar chronicles the crack-up of Esther Greenwood who is slowly going under—maybe for the last time. Sylvia Plath masterfully draws the reader into Esther’s breakdown with such intensity that Esther’s insanity becomes completely real and even rational.
Its Kind of a Funny Story – Ned Vizzini (Psychiatric Ward/Depression/Suicidal Ideation)
- Ambitious New York City teenager Craig Gilner is determined to succeed at life – which means getting into the right high school to get into the right job. But once Craig aces his way into Manhattan’s Executive Pre-Professional High School, the pressure becomes unbearable. He stops eating and sleeping until, one night, he nearly kills himself.
Memoirs
Please note that each of these books contains very heavy and possibly triggering content. Please note the content topics and proceed reading with caution and sensitivity.
What my Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma – Stephanie Foo (Abandonment/Complex PTSD/Generational Trauma)
- In this deeply personal and thoroughly researched account, Foo interviews scientists and psychologists and tries a variety of innovative therapies. She returns to her hometown of San Jose, California, to investigate the effects of immigrant trauma on the community, and she uncovers family secrets in the country of her birth, Malaysia, to learn how trauma can be inherited through generations.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone – Lori Gottlieb (Depression/OCD/Anxiety/Suicidal Ideation)
- One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is revolutionary in its candor, offering a deeply personal yet universal tour of our hearts and minds and providing the rarest of gifts: a boldly revealing portrait of what it means to be human, and a disarmingly funny and illuminating account of our own mysterious lives and our power to transform them.
While You Were Out: An Intimate Family Portrait of Mental Illness in the Era of Silence – Meg Kissinger (Anxiety/Depression/Mania/Bipolar)
- While You Were Out begins as the personal story of one family’s struggles then opens outward, as Kissinger details how childhood tragedy catalyzed a journalism career focused on exposing our country’s flawed mental health care. Combining the intimacy of memoir with the rigor of investigative reporting, the book explores the consequences of shame, the havoc of botched public policy, and the hope offered by new treatment strategies.
Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life – Christie Tate (Suicidal Ideation/Eating Disorder/Sexual Trauma)
- Group is a deliciously addictive read, and with Christie as our guide—skeptical of her own capacity for connection and intimacy, but hopeful in spite of herself—we are given a front row seat to the daring, exhilarating, painful, and hilarious journey that is group therapy—an under-explored process that breaks you down, and then reassembles you so that all the pieces finally fit.
The Glass Castle – Jeannette Walls (Bipolar/Poverty/Neglect/Childhood Trauma)
- A remarkable memoir of resilience and redemption, and a revelatory look into a family at once deeply dysfunctional and uniquely vibrant. When sober, Jeannette’s brilliant father captured his children’s imagination. But when he drank, he was dishonest and destructive. Her mother was a free spirit who abhorred the idea of domesticity and didn’t want the responsibility of raising a family. The Walls children learned to take care of themselves. They fed, clothed, and protected one another, and eventually found their way to New York. Their parents followed them, choosing to be homeless even as their children prospered.
Looking to grow in your own mental health journey? Need someone to talk to about topics similar to those covered in any of these books? If so, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
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Tools to Help You Climb out of Hopelessness and Depression
In a previous blog, I compared times of depression and hopelessness to a difficult hike. It helps me to persevere through difficult times when I shift my mindset and look for the reward and growth opportunities, instead of focusing on the struggle and pain. Now, I wanted to expand on that concept and share some tools that can help overcome hopelessness and depression.
To take on any big hike, you need to train and prepare. However, no matter how hard you train, you will struggle with your hike if you forget to bring the proper gear. You need the proper shoes and clothing, sturdy poles, a backpack, food, and other practical tools to help you along your journey. Just like going on a hike, there are common practical tools that can help you through your journey of stress, hopelessness, and depression.
5 tools to help you with stress, hopelessness, and depression
1. Schedule time for relaxation.
Every good hiker will tell you make sure you take time to rest. When you push yourself to much on a hike, you can quickly burnout. The same is true when you are feeling stressed, hopeless or depressed. When you don’t take some time to truly relax and unwind in those moments, you can easily become tired and overwhelmed. To prevent this, schedule regular moments of relaxation; it can even be just 10 or 15 minutes. Try prayer or meditation time to help you feel more calm and centered. You can also listen to music, practice deep breathing, or even take a short nap.
2. Set Goals and Manage your time.
When it comes to hiking, you should take time to relax and enjoy your walk. However, too much relaxation can lead to a disaster. It is always suggested that when hiking you set goals and manage your time. Hikers map out their trails and set obtainable goals to get the best out of their hike. They want to make sure they make all the stops along the trail and camp at the best sites. To do that, they have to manage their time and set goals to make sure they stay on schedule.
Like rest, time management and goals also help prevent burnout. For example, if you spend all of your time taking it slow in the beginning of a hike, you end up pushing yourself too much at the end. This is true for our daily life as well. If we procrastinate or don’t manage our time properly, we push ourselves too much last minute; putting even more stress and worry on ourselves. When everything feels hopeless, try setting small goals and steps to achieve them; create a hope map or create a realistic ‘to do’ list and delegate appropriate responsibilities to yourself and household.
3. Create or make time for fun activities.
I love watching families with small children hike because I love to see the fun and creative ways parents will make the climb fun for their kids. Usually, they play an “I spy” game or collect fun things from nature to take home for crafts. One of my personal hobbies is photography and, for me, one the best reasons to go on a hike is to get great pictures of the scenery.
On top of that, stopping along the way to get pictures takes my mind off the tiredness. Just like in hiking, hobbies and other fun activities can take away the stress we are facing, they give us something to look forward to, and even take our mind off of our circumstances. Therefore, when you start to feel depressed or hopeless, take some time out for fun and your favorite hobby. You can also try journaling, playing a game, or spending time with your pets.
4. Make sure you are taking care of yourself.
If a pro-hiker were to give you advice for your big hike, they would probably tell you to get plenty of rest and eat healthy the day before and make sure you pack plenty of healthy high carb and protein snacks for your journey. Nothing is worse than a restless night and a heavy, fatty meal right before a big hike. That combination will do nothing but make you sluggish and slow on your hike. On top of that, not packing the right food for you hike can also ruin your energy levels and make it harder to continue the journey.
This can happen in your daily life as well. While, to me nothing is better than a good burger or ice cream, I know that if I ate that all the time, I would start to feel sluggish, tired, and unmotivated. In times of hopelessness, how we treat our bodies can have a great impact on how we feel. Therefore, when you are feeling down, practice self-care by eating balanced meals, getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day, and getting at least seven hours of sleep each night.
5. Socialize
One of my favorite things about hiking is the people you would meet along the journey. Every hiker I have ever encountered has been friendly, helpful, and encouraging. Their support and kindness always seemed to push me to keep going. In life we need those kind words and encouragement from the people that we meet along the journey. If Covid-19 has taught us anything, it has taught us how isolation can bring on feelings of hopelessness and depression. We need to stay connected to our loved ones, even when we feel stressed or down. They build us up and help take our mind off of our troubles. In times of hopelessness, find ways to connect to others. Try having meaningful conversations with a friend, find fun activities to do with family or friends, go out for a meal with a loved one, or participate in spiritual activities with others.
At the end of the day, if you still feel like the mountain of depression and hopelessness is still too hard to climb, reach out to Anchored Hope Counseling today. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of their offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. Also, if you found this post to be helpful, remember to share it with others and subscribe for more insights and news each week.
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Looking for a Treasure When You Feel Defeated
For over a year now, my husband and I have been working on completely refurbishing a 100 year old mill house. We have been doing most of the work ourselves and expected the project to be done within 8 months. However, the process has been much longer than we expected and there are days when we want to give up in defeat.
The moments of “what did we get ourselves into” started early in the process and almost every day it felt like we will never get to move into our new home. Each time we walk in, the feeling of being overwhelmed and defeated would crash into us.
To keep from losing our sanity and giving up, we had to develop a strategy to fight discouragement and defeat. This strategy came into play during the first weeks of the remodel process…”demo day” (which was not as fun as Chip Gaines makes it seem since it really lasted more than a week).
For us, Labor day weekend 2019 was spent in a 100 year old abandoned house, tearing down walls, ceilings, and ripping up pea green shag carpet in 100 degree heat. Covered in dust, soot, and sweat, I said to my husband, “It would be amazing if we found a treasure in the wall. It would make all of this worth it.” Just then, as I pulled the drywall down, I found a tiny wood cross in between the 100 year old beams. While to some this would be worthless, it was a reminder to me as a Christian of the greatest treasure I will ever receive–God’s love and grace.
With that tiny cross, God reminded me that His love can help me overcome any obstacle I may face. With that reminder, that tiny cross gave me a restored hope and the ability to keep moving forward. As I looked at that little cross in my hand, I realized that if all we see is what is against us, then we will remain in a prison of discouragement and defeat. However, when we seek the treasure hidden in our suffering, we break free from defeat and can find hope in a better tomorrow
So now, whenever I feel discouraged, weary, or overwhelmed, I try to remember the cross, my personal anchor of hope.
If you are in a storm of defeat, I want to challenge you to look for the small treasure in the storm; something positive to anchor your hope to. By doing that, you may find the strength you need to carry on.
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Here is my treasure, the little white cross found in the mess of defeat.
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