Change of Perspective
Looking at Your Problems in a Different Way
The other day, my husband and I encountered a large problem with the permit of our house, which put our final inspections on hold. Instantly, when I heard of the problem, I went into the negative and dark place of “We will NEVER get to move into our new house” or “We will NEVER get out of this season.” However, when I noticed the “Nevers” consuming my mind, I took a moment to pray and realized that I needed a change of perspective. I needed to look at this problem in a different way.
How do you typically respond to problems or obstacles?
People tend to be creatures of habit. We move along our day planning to stay in our normal routine. When our routine is broken, we are shaken and tend to view the shift as a negative obstacle or problem.
Typically, problems upset and frustrate us. We lash out at the difficulty, resenting it and feeling bad for ourselves. We even rush to complain about our problems to others so they can feel bad for us too. However, this path only leads to a road of self-pity. Complaining and seeking pity ultimately wastes our time and energy. Unfortunately, viewing obstacles in this way can turn your problems into mountains; the larger we make it, the more unmovable it becomes.
Alternatively, try viewing the problems as a ladder, not a mountain. A ladder provides an opportunity to see your problem from a higher view point; a different perspective. Looking up at your problems at the lowest level, they can look larger than they really are; like mountains. However, looking from above or the top of the ladder, you can gain a heavenly perspective. From above, your problems look smaller and insignificant to the whole picture. Looking down at the problem, you can see how momentary the problem is, see what comes after the problem, and begin to focus on what is ahead of you.
Ultimately, by shifting your perspective, you can look past the problem and continue down your path without wasting time and effort on self-pity. To change your perspective and turn your problems from mountains to ladders, try these 3 tips.
1. Silence the negative lies and look for the truth.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” James 8:32 (NIV)
Is it true that I will NEVER finish my house? No, the truth is, that we have actually made considerable progress, worked hard, learned many lessons, and will eventually reap the rewards. Whenever, I am getting overwhelmed with negative thoughts, I have to stop and look for the logical truth. Often, that takes breaking down the lie and calmly re-framing the situation.
2. Show gratitude for the lesson
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." James 1:2-3 (ESV)
The book of James directs us to count our trials a joy because it produces an unwavering faith and character. In other words, our trials are blessings. Trust me, I know that being grateful for struggles is hard! However, by changing our perspective in the situation and looking past the moment, we can see how the trial can challenge us, help us grow, and strengthen our character. Therefore, instead of spewing negative things like the “Nevers,” try statements of gratitude for the situation.
3. Persevere
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12 (NIV)
This verse from James reminds us to persevere and push through the trail because God has promised us a great reward if we do. Therefore, hold onto that promise, remember God is with you every step of the way, and you will be rewarded for your perseverance. Ultimately, looking past the obstacle to see the reward in the end can help you remained focused on tackling the problem.
If you have a problem and would like help changing your perspective on the situation, turn to Anchored Hope Counseling in Kannapolis, NC. Anchored Hope Counseling provides a wide range of therapy services from couples counseling to personal one-on-one sessions. View a list of our offerings online, or click here to schedule a consultation today. If you liked these tips remember to subscribe to our weekly blog for more news and insights.
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The Importance of Gratitude for a Hope-Filled Marriage
Do you feel like your home is full of constant nagging? Do you work hard but you feel your spouse doesn’t appreciate you or acknowledge anything you do for the relationship? Do you just feel alone in your marriage and your spouse doesn’t seem to want to make any effort? Maybe you feel that there is just no more hope left for the two of you.
As we get comfortable in our relationships and establish a routine, it is common for couples to start taking each other for granted. Often, it is the small gestures of daily life that maintains a connection between a couple. If your acts of kindness each day are looked at as “duties” and become expected, then your relationship will start to suffer.
However, there is hope! Expressing gratitude to your spouse can lead to a longer lasting and more committed relationship. Gratitude demonstrates your appreciation for your partner and fulfills their need to be needed. By accomplishing this, gratitude generates more connectedness, happiness, and satisfaction for both of you. Often, when you show gratitude toward your spouse, you also increase the chances that they will act warm and loving toward you. Furthermore, when you feel grateful for your partner, you are more likely to increase your loving behaviors toward them and to value your relationship.
It is important to remember that you need to show gratitude by appreciating who your spouse is as a person, not just for what they do. For example, you can be grateful that your spouse took your kids to school and packed their lunch—and appreciate their thoughtfulness in noticing how busy you were. Ultimately, when you become more aware of the positive things your spouse does, you will naturally increase your gratitude for them.
3 ways you can increase gratitude (and hope) in your marriage:
•Show your spouse that you are thinking of them: a text, a short email, or a handwritten note.
•Compliment your partner for a trait that you appreciate and find attractive, lovable, or admirable.
•Do something thoughtful and unexpected for your spouse. Don’t wait for your anniversary or until your spouse does something first. Find a genuine way to do something special. It can be as small as breaking the routine by taking on a chore or task that is usually your partner’s responsibility.
Note: If you still feel that there is just no hope for your marriage and the hurt is too deep to restore the relationship through gratitude, reach out to Anchored Hope Counseling today. At Anchored Hope, I can help you restore gratitude in your relationship and rebuild your marriage through personalized techniques.
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